Cognitive Focusing
for Exiters
(An Approach to Handling
Depression, Anxiety, Fear & Guilt)
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I. TWO PRIMARY MODES OF TREATMENT FOR DEPRESSION A.
Biochemical Approach II. RECOGNIZED SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION
III. COGNITIVE APPROACH STUDY VS. DRUG TREATMENT Main Principles of the Approach:
A. Your moods (depression, anxiousness, fearfulness, feelings of guilt)
are
B. When you are feeing depressed, anxious, your thoughts are dominated
C. The negative
thoughts, which cause the emotional turmoil, nearly
Some
examples: COMMON IRRATIONAL IDEAS 1. It is a dire necessity to be loved and approved of.
2. I should
be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all
3. Some
people are bad, wicked or vile and should (or must be)
4. If things
do not go (or stay) the way I very much want them to, it
5. Unhappiness
is externally caused and I cannot control it (unless I
6. One should
remain upset or worried if faced with a dangerous or 7. It is easier to avoid responsibility and difficulties than to face them.
8.
I have a right to be dependent and people (or someone) should
be
9. My early
childhood experiences must continue to control me and
10. I should become
upset over my and other people's problems or
11. There is
invariably one right, precise, and perfect solution and it
12. The world (and
especially other people) should be fair and justice IV. DESCRIPTION OF COGNITIVE/MOOD ORIGINS A. Stimuli: World of experiences affecting all sensory modes
B. Brain processing: You interpret the events with a
series of
C. Moods: Your feelings are created by our thoughts and not
the V. THOUGHT REFORM THOUGHTS Six Major Cognitive Distortions: A. ALL OR NOTHING THINKING Definition:
Tendency to evaluate your personal qualities or life in extreme, Examples:
"I'll never be able to find another group of people to care
about me
"I'm forever ruined because my parents raised me in a
cult."
B. OVER GENERALIZATION Definition:
Occurs when you expect uniform bad luck because of 1 or 2
bad Examples:
"I've
lost all my close friends that were in the
group. I know I'll
"My
dad 'used' me; the deceptive leader 'used' me. I
can't trust
John (or
Julie) broke up with me. I'll never be
able to have a
C. JUMPING
TO CONCLUSIONS Definition:
You
assume that others or God look
down on you without Examples:
"God must really be ashamed of me for
messing up.
I know he'll
"My dad (or mom) probably thinks I'm a total
jerk for falling for Fortune-Teller Error: Definition: You look into the future and only see disaster. Examples:
"My future is hopeless. I've messed
it up
royally, how can it get
D. EMOTIONAL REASONING Definition: Your emotions seem to be evidence for the thought. Examples: "I feel inadequate, therefore, I must be inadequate"
"I
feel guilt, therefore, I must have done
something bad" E. SHOULD STATEMENTS Definition:
It is imposing thinking that makes you feel guilty about something Examples:
"I should have meditated longer, then I'd have more peace in my
"I should lose weight. I'm too fat. I should be more disciplined
"If I work hard at something I should get it or people shouldn't F. MENTAL FILTER Definition:
Is when you seize a negative fragment of a situation and dwell on Examples:
"The whole cult/cultic experience was a waste. I've lost
"People are basically cruel and insensitive. My leader was no G. CHALLENGING IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS
1. Identify automatic, irrational thought. VI. COGNITIVE FOCUSING IS GOOD FOR EXITERS A. Stops Cliché thinking/responding. B. Retrains cognitive channel vs. subconscious modes of stress reduction. NOTE: It is recommended that the reader take a sheet of paper and divide it into the following four columns and then challenge your own irrational thoughts (cognitive distortions) and replace them with rational (cognitive) re-thinking. An
example is as follows:
Would my feeling or acting this way be:
These criteria are rational for you so long as you prefer life to death and happiness to pain. HOW DO YOU CHANGE A BELIEF?
Using Cognitive Re-thinking After Exiting the Armstrong groups: The following has proved helpful for Christians who have exited any of the abusive, authoritarian, Herbert W. Armstrong groups and are having anxiety attacks, or triggers, due to fear programming in regard to the group's twisting of the Bible. (Note: These suggestions are best utilized in conjunction with a knowledgeable, supporting, safe person; i. e., a professional Christian counselor who utilizes the cognitive approach and also understands the effects of trauma. Therefore, if you find any of this difficult, or impossible to implement in your situation, and/or your symptoms are increasing, don't hesitate to seek qualified outside professional help.)
Fear and Anxiety: Anxiety is "fear-driven." Fears are to the depth that we are afraid they will destroy us. It might be tied in with the fear of death, fear of rejection, or fear of abandonment. In order to lessen anxiety attacks, we can try and get in touch with the fears, or triggers, by asking questions outloud during the attack. While it may take awhile to get in touch with what is causing the fear, we address our fears (what we are afraid of) the best with the facts; i. e., the truth.
By asking yourself what you are afraid of and then confronting the fears with the facts (the truth), you are engaging in what is called cognitive re-thinking, which was talked about in the beginning of this article. Once you ask questions, it starts to make you think, and once you realize that it's nothing more than an unfounded fear, and that God's perfect love casts out fear, you can begin to make progress. Even though recovery can be a long process, this is a step in the right direction. Note: If you are having panic attacks, read: How to Walk Yourself Through a Panic Attack. (This also links to how to do diaphragmatic breathing.) Often times a trigger will set off anxiety. For instance, a certain person, place, or activity may come across to you as a minister or someone else from your former group, and you suddenly find yourself filled with guilt, fear, or anger. Or you may feel you have failed Christ because you aren't as "good" as a certain other person. Confront this lie:
It takes time to get over the impact of certain people's unthinking
comments. (Read: Amazing Words That Have Been Said
to Exiters). But it will help to say words such as the above (you
can think of others), reminding
yourself of the truth of the Word of God and that you are no longer
being controlled by the leader or the group. The truth replaces the lies
we've been fed. Guilt is something that almost all survivors of religious abuse have. (Read: An End to Guilt) You may also have been made to feel guilty when you were young, and then the exploitive group capitalized on that and made you feel even more guilty. Confront this lie:
It's normal to take things intensely when one has exited an abusive group, but with support, survivors of Armstrongism can recover from the spiritual abuse they have suffered. If you try to go it alone, it will take much longer to recover. Often it takes the outside intervention of a knowledgeable, caring Christian counselor in order to make these spiritual truths become a part of you, but each year you will be able to look back and see the improvement in yourself.
Also read about
Cognitive
Dissonance and how it was used in Herbert W. Armstrong's Worldwide
Church of God and in its authoritarian offshoots. What Were the Lies and What is the Truth? (replacing HWA's fear-based statements with the truth from the Word of God) Panic Attacks [from our Links] Where Do the Feelings Go? (covers processing painful thoughts; includes a section on: "How Do I Go About Writing and What Do I Write About?") My Position in Christ (accepted and secure forever) Back to Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
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Loss of interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy, such as