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If you've had
exit-counseling, you have had a concentrated time to discuss and reflect
upon your involvement in a high demand, abusive group, your personal
problems that affected your
vulnerabilities and your spiritual issues. But you also need to realize
that, for some, it has been somewhat like chipping off at an iceberg.
Your "recovery" rate and level is highly dependent upon a
variety of factors: the number of years spent in a cultic environment,
the destructiveness of your specific group ala doctrine and practice,
your level of involvement within the cultic milieu, your emotional
health prior to group/relationship involvement, and strength of
relationship to family and friends outside of the group, among others.
Because of exit-counseling you learned how the group manipulated your
"self" and squeezed you into their mold or their
"clone." How motivated are you to continue to find your true
self with all of its goals and aspirations? How patient are you to allow
this process to take the time needed to be an "inside out"
recovery?
Here are a few
reminders to help you along the way:
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Don't
expect family and friends to totally "understand" your
experience. It was your experience, not theirs. Continue to
explain what happened to you in the best ways you can.
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Don't be
surprised if, after a while, people remind you that you need to
"move on" with your life ... or "forget what lies
behind" ... or think you are obsessing on your experience. Try
to explain the nature of trauma ---that the continual review of
the experience helps you "process" it and give meaning
to it, and you would appreciate their patience with you.
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Join a
support group or network of friends who have gone through
similar cultic experiences as yourself to continue in understanding what
happened to you, and hear the uplifting stories of others who have
grown through their group exodus.
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Expect
numerous "ups and downs." Just when you think you've
gotten a handle on it all, you may have some moody, confused times
of wondering why you left, or why this happened to you, or how can
you ever get past this experience. This is very normal and
typical. Everyone has up and down days and weeks. Look at the
overall "graph of growth and resolve."
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Enjoy
reading books regarding: 1) other people's experiences in an exploitive,
abusive group and education on such groups or 2) about
nothing that has to do with abusive groups, just topics you want to explore
for a change like gardening, poetry, history, or whatever would
help you feel like a valuable living human.
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Schedule
additional counseling/consultation with someone knowledgeable
about survivors from exploitive, deceptive groups and their
particular issues if you need continued help in
sorting out any emotional trauma, or if you run into some
obstacles. Like surgery is to the body, healing takes time
afterwards, i.e. you must pace yourself and seek medical attention
if needed. An expert can often help and you'll be back on the road to
healing once again. Just don't panic. You have not lost all that
you once gained. Recovery takes time!
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Continue
to confront those cognitive lies that
may periodically rear their ugly head. Write them down, then
challenge the irrationality of the inherent errors. Review your thinking bit by bit,
if necessary. (See
Where Do the Feelings Go?) Continue to
"deprogram" the land mines that might still remain in
your mind as the thoughts (lies) surface in your thinking.
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Get
involved in activities you've always dreamed of, or take an evening
class of interest at your local community college. Life is to be
enjoyed not endured -- something totalist groups usually don't teach!
Surround yourself with fun, positive, enjoyable activities and
people!
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Be
tolerant of parental or spousal concerns that you might return to
the group. Assure them you will not. Assure them that your concern
is for your friends inside the group, reminding yourself that you
need to heal and have some strength and resolve before you can be
of any real help to others. Remember, you are first accountable
for yourself.
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Remind
yourself daily that you are a special, uniquely created individual
whom God loves.
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Realize
the value of what you've learned about life from your experience;
help others grow.
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Getting
the Group Out of Us (leaving the
group is easier than getting the group out of us)
Articles on
Understanding Mind Control and Exploitive Groups
Back to Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
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