Rod Meredith's "Seven Laws of Radiant Health"
|
A number of years ago Roderick C. Meredith wrote The Seven Laws of Radiant Health1. This spoof of the article is not to imply that we don't ever need to be concerned about our health, or take care of our bodies in a balanced way, but its purpose is to show the foolishness of extremism, which is simply another way to manage every part of members' lives in a controlling system. Only parts from his health article are quoted and they will be indented. Chad's comments are in purple.
"I will have order; I will
have perfection!"
How can one maintain a "tranquil mind" during 3rd tithe year?? What about all the stress one experiences during the Feast of Tabernacles, not to mention the indigestion one gets from eating out everyday, eating in a hurry between services, and eating late because the restaurant is packed and there’s a long wait until the food comes? What about the "headaches" caused from fasting on the Day of Atonement? Seems that "obeying God’s Laws" causes one to break the Laws of Health.
Stay away from those ice cream cones! Steer clear of Mexican food! Consign yourself to a diet of Metamucil (no starch, grease, sugar, or spices). It tastes nasty but you won’t get constipated! And you will live to be 90!
So if you bite into some horseradish on your Reuben sandwich, or that hot salsa that comes with the free chips, you better be prepared to "sweat it out." Better that, than commit a "physical sin" by gulping down a drink to cool your burning mouth. But then again, you might break the first Law of Health when you lose your tranquil mind because your eyeballs are watering from the pain! Of course, if you stayed on the Metamucil, this whole disaster would have never happened in the first place!
A gift basket containing soap and deodorant will be issued to each new member. Regular members will undergo weekly inspections for acne, greasy hair, clean nails, properly brushed teeth, and cavities. Volunteers to "sniff out" members who didn’t wear deodorant are desperately needed!
Oh yes, I feel so much closer to God when I’m wearing clean underwear as I meditate in my clean house and my clean car. Never mind that I yelled at my wife and kids for disturbing my tranquil mind with all their messes and noise.
Wow! Every time members stepped outside to breathe in the "pure, fresh" Pasadena2 city air, they committed "physical sin"!
Hmmm, Meredith hasn’t noticed more than a few "pot-bellied" businessmen at Pasadena HQ’s?2 So if one is sick for a few days, and can’t exercise, has he broken the fifth Law of Health?
Okay, everyone, confess your sins. You stayed up too late to watch TV! Repent! Young mothers--ignore those crying newborns--don't lose any sleep. Get those "seven to nine hours" in and let the baby fend for himself. Dads, don't stay up too late during the "Night to Be Much Observed." Bypass all that tempting food and fellowship (and skip that sugared dessert so you don't break law number 2)--and head home to bed. You have to get up early the next morning for all day services! You wouldn't want to put your life on the line "catching up on lost sleep" and snoring through the sermon! Don't chance breaking physical law number 7 (Avoid Bodily Injury) if you're caught snoozing! You'll pay a heavy price after committing that one!
Millions of dollars that Meredith would love to get his hands on?
Oh, yes, All-Wise-and-All-Knowing Grand Poopah.
Just got to love Meredith's god! Ready to squash you for slurpin' that slushie!
I guess we must prostrate ourselves before Meredith and pay dear penance! I repent for accidentally falling off that ladder! I repent for that drunk driver running into my car! I repent for burning my hand when I lifted the hamburger off the grill! Oh, such heinous sins I have committed!
Yes, live a dull, boring life--never take chances. Don't go skiing, don't learn to ride a horse, don't go sailing, etc. (Besides, that costs money and you want to give all you can to the "church"!)
Yes, stick to checkers and badminton. No, badminton might be too dangerous. You might get a birdie stuck in your eye. You might trip on the grass and twist your ankle! You might run into the Interstate highway going after the birdie. The world is such a dangerous place! Maybe you shouldn't bother getting out of bed.
Yes, the "church"5 can't get more money from somebody on disability! By Chad (former WCG
member) Footnotes: 1 The Plain Truth, January 1955. 2 At the time Rod Meredith wrote his article, he was an "evangelist" in Herbert W. Armstrong's Worldwide Church of God, which was located in Pasadena, California. 3 I Cor. 3:17 does not refer to destroying individual Christians: "However a local church (you here is pl.) might come to the point where its structure is so weak that it collapses entirely or exists in name only, that is, it is destroyed. Paul did not want this to happen in Corinth (2 Cor. 11:3,13). If it did, the false minister would be paid back in kind by God Himself (an application of the OT lex talionis [Gen. 9:6; cf. 2 Cor. 11:15]). The destroyer would be destroyed (Matt. 41-42). (The Bible Knowledge Commentary, 1983, p. 512." [Emp. ours] 4 Why is Meredith quoting I Cor. 4:19? "But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord will, and will know, not the speech of them which are puffed up, but the power." This doesn't have anything to do with God "destroying" someone. 5 Roderick Meredith's organization is known today as the Living Church of God (formerly Global Church of God), which teaches the doctrines of Herbert W. Armstrong. What Happens if I Join Roderick Meredith's Living Church of God? |