| Written for those who have suffered
extreme abuse and who are
having a difficult time recovering from exploitive,
soul-damaging situations.
The important thing to remember is that the emergency stage is a natural part of the healing process and that it will come to an end. The nature of crisis is that it overwhelms you; while you are in it, it is all you can see. There will be a time, though, when you will not think, eat, and dream memories of abuse twenty four hours a day. And, if you are in the emergency stage, that time cannot come a moment too soon. In these times of crisis it is very important that you act on what you know rather than what you feel. Remember:
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even though you may not be able to see it, there is a way out. During crisis your vision may become clouded. Suicide and self injury are never good answers to any problem. Reach out for help from someone who understands, will listen, and can help you put things back into perspective. You are valuable and you do have purpose. (Psalm 139)
The intensity of what you are experiencing is a recognized part of the healing process. Flashbacks are normal. Don't be afraid of letting yourself feel your emotions. They won't kill you.
Don't try to do this alone. Abuse has isolated you enough already. Learn to develop good relationships with others and to receive comfort from them. Remember that you are valuable and that you also have a lot to offer to others. What you have been through can give you a unique compassion.
Seek out a therapist who is experienced in dealing with complex post traumatic stress disorder (a.k.a. complex post traumatic stress syndrome) and with whom you are comfortable. Don't hesitate to phone him/her when you need to.
Drop whatever is nonessential. Release the pressure any way you can. This may mean minimizing time with unsupportive people, quitting activities, lightening your workload and getting extra childcare.
You must have at least one place where you feel safe. Do what you can to make that place a pleasant place to be.
Repeatedly numbing your feelings will only prolong the crisis. Using drugs and alcohol improperly also puts you at risk for developing an addiction.
If you are currently in a situation where you are being abused, get out of it. As an adult, you do not have to allow yourself to be abused again.
Your decision-making capability is limited right now. Except for getting out of abusive situations, the emergency stage is not a good time for making major life changes.
He alone can comfort you the way you truly need to be comforted. Turning to Him helps to put everything into perspective. You are valuable and worthwhile. He can revive you and give you the strength to keep going. His guidance and love is priceless! Note: Those who were involved with WCG or any of its high demand offshoots and splinter groups were taught a false view of Jesus as harsh and demanding performance. The true Jesus loves you and desires for you to come to Him for rest. Read: It's Hard to Get Close to God After Being in Philadelphia Church of God (also applicable for child survivors of Worldwide Church of God) and Poems/Free Verse/Comfort in Music (comfort for survivors of abuse; no audio).
Remember: "And it came to pass..." It did not come to stay. You will not always feel this way. There is "the other side." You have a promising future and Jesus will never leave you. Read: Jesus is Always There (an encouraging poem for those who have suffered betrayal and abuse) Specific Survival Techniques Sometimes you need practical techniques for surviving the pain and intense emotion you're feeling right now. Here are some suggestions:
Use all of your senses. Stay in the present. Focus on breathing. Move your eyes. Remember that any self-harm messages are lies.
Connect safely with anger. Healthy anger can decrease the despair that you may be feeling. It may also heighten your coping skills. Too often this tool is under-utilized.
Shedding tears reduces hopelessness and depression. Let yourself cry. You won't cry forever. Eventually the tears will stop and you'll feel much stronger for having released the pain through the tears. (Psalm 126:5) [See: Healing Through Grief]
Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Pay attention to your body's needs. Get plenty of sleep, but avoid using sleep to escape from dealing with abuse. You'll feel better about yourself in the long run. The same is true of food. Make sure you are getting enough food to eat, but avoid using food to numb your feelings. The sooner you process those feelings rather than avoiding them, the sooner you may experience true healing from the memories. Take care of your body in other ways too. Don't neglect your personal hygiene (i.e. brushing your teeth). Exercise is also helpful, but don't overdo it. Everything in moderation. Grounding Techniques 1. Find a safe place 2. Picture in your mind setting aside an overwhelming memory or emotion. 3. Pay attention to current sensory experience. For example, take notice of a particular smell or sound that. is going on right now. This helps to orient you to the present.
4. Tell someone about it (call a close friend). 5. Write in a private journal, or email your feelings to a supportive friend. Writing helps to process the intrusive, painful thoughts that you are struggling with. Read: Where Do the Feelings Go? 6. Practice breathing exercises. Controlled breathing will relax the body during a panic attack. Count to four as you take a slow, deep breath, then release it in a slower, controlled exhalation to the count of eight and repeat this for several cycles. This will help if you are breathing fast or holding your breath. (Instructions for Diaphragmatic Breathing) 7. Wrap a soft blanket around yourself, up to your neck, and lie or sit down. This can give a snuggly feeling of security. 8. Connect with the here and now. 9. Listen to a tape or CD of relaxing, soothing music.1 10. Listen to soothing music. This will not only help you to orient yourself, but some can help you realize God's presence.2 11. Take a shower or bath. 12. Make a list of problems and separate them into two categories: those you have control over, and those you don't. Concentrate only on those you can control. Be realistic. 13. Decide what is important and what is not. 14. Monitor self-talk. Challenge distorted thinking. [Read: Cognitive Focusing for Exiters (An Approach to Handling Depression, Anxiety, Fear & Guilt)] 15. Do something nice for yourself (buy yourself something, read a book, etc.) 16. Draw or write poetry. 17. Identify the trigger. Dialectical Behavior Therapy: If you are struggling with any kind of destructive behavior; i. e., self-injury, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been found to be helpful. This kind of therapy helps survivors to use tools to control moods that can go out of control very rapidly. As one child survivor told us: "When you feel powerless, you feel hopeless. Once you realize that you have the power to change things in your life, you will not feel you have to wait for people to be good to you. You have the power to choose a better option."EMDR: A number of survivors who have suffered trauma say they have been helped with a new procedure called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). However, therapists trained in complex trauma-related conditions, (including mind control trauma) have told us that if the survivor is dissociative, this therapy can cause a flooding of memories. Please discuss this, and any other questions, with a qualified therapist.
1 We have found Dan Gibson's "Solitudes Suite" and "Solitudes Nature
Sound Collection" very helpful for relieving stress and facilitating mental
relaxation after exiting an abusive, high demand group.
Solitudes music cassettes and CDs. How to Walk Yourself Through a Panic Attack Emotional Difficulties After Exiting a Deceptive, Abusive Group Prayers for Freedom From Spiritual Strongholds (very effective in gaining liberation from many strongholds and oppressions due to involvement in any harmful cult or occult practices; includes moral issues) Back to Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused |
Don't hurt or try to kill yourself
