Growing up in the Worldwide Church of God or Philadelphia Church of God has caused tremendous pain and discouragement. In its wake are many internal scars: shame, guilt, anger, depression, phobias and helplessness. When anyone suffers psychological trauma, it affects our basic capacities for intimacy and trust. Complex post-traumatic trauma is one result of being raised WCG, PCG, or any similar offshoot.

Herbert Armstrong's group was never "the one and only true church" as he professed, but was instead, an exploitive, abusive group that used "religion" to con people. Many have been devastated in the process. The "church" with its hierarchal structure, which programmed those inside through fear of punishment, had a strong emphasis on perfectionism (no mistakes allowed; no questions asked; no disobeying the "government.") This fostered a myriad of destructive emotions in the children, including hatred toward self, lack of confidence, inability to make decisions, a need for love and acceptance (and at the same time a fear of, or inability to have, close relationships), and a pattern of becoming involved in controlling and injurious relationships. 

Since the children were born into these groups (or were taken in at a very young age), they had no control or say-so over what happened in their life. They were watched and judged by parents, ministers, and members. They were made to feel they didn't quite measure up, or could never be good enough. This caused them to try to "earn acceptance" and "earn love." However, no one can ever "earn" true love. Those that love us will love us for ourselves and not for what we do for them or how we perform. This kind of unconditional love is unknown in the group.

Each person that grew up inside has to go through the arduous task of learning anew how to value themselves as a human being with worth and that is capable of making good decisions. This is very difficult because of all the years that the leadership and parents spent controlling them, preaching and believing lies about God, not showing love or patience and beating them into submission. Children raised in WCG, PCG, etc. were often made to feel they were lazy, horrible and worthless. These groups pressured children to serve with no true appreciation of their gifts and talents, and they offered no grace or mercy, only more rules, more performance and more self-degradation. 

Child survivors don't always have to be categorized as "someone from Worldwide, PCG, etc." or feel they will never fit in with others and will always be rejected. While it is often a very hard struggle to recover, it is possible to begin healing from the ordeal, gain new coping skills, and to eventually start fitting in more and more with the culture. It is possible for survivors to begin seeing themselves as people who matter, instead of just being a "victim." Most importantly, comprehending how God sees us in Christ (accepted and secure forever) is far different than these controlling "ministers" ever caused the children to see themselves.

Humans are known to heal in the context of healthy, supportive relationships; i. e., with those who are not controlling or abusive; those who believe in them, validate their experiences and who can help them to respect themselves and have a more positive outlook on life. Many times this person will be a qualified counselor who has knowledge of the effects of abusive groups and/or complex post traumatic stress disorder and who can enable them to gain the coping skills they need in order to come to terms with things, including perhaps addictions and phobias.  

As child survivors learn not be so hard on themselves, and to see they have options and choices in their life, they will be able to overcome self-defeating behavior, mature, and to start making friends (male and female) that are good for them, without feeling they have to try hard to "force" loving relationships. They will have the insight and maturity to avoid being drawn into emotionally and verbally abusive, controlling relationships1 that they experienced in the past, and which ended up further destroying their self-worth. Each day they can choose to make decisions (even learning to say "No") and to become more empowered as an autonomous individual.

Child survivors must also come to understand that no person will be able to fill all their love needs all the time. Only the Lord Jesus Christ can do that and His love is a permanent, unchanging love that does not demand performance in return for it. Unfortunately, they never learned about the true God in the group.

Read: It's Hard to Get Close to God After Being in Philadelphia Church of God (also applicable for child survivors of WCG)

Although there is a lack of information available about the psychological effects that result from children growing up in high demand, abusive, controlling religious groups (also known as destructive Bible-based cults), there are several articles on our site, plus our booklist should prove helpful. Here are just a few titles out of many useful books: 

Released From Shame: Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families

Loving Him Without Losing You (also helpful for men)

Captive Hearts, Captive Minds: Freedom and Recovery from Cults and Abusive Relationships (Read excerpts from chapter 12 on our site; covers seeking professional counseling and questions to ask)

If survivors continue to find it very difficult to recover and to begin enjoying life, they should not hesitate in seeking help from a competent, professional counselor who understands mind control or abusive groups and trauma, or who is willing to understand the experience.

There is hope for child survivors that they can build a better life for themselves and develop healthy relationships. When they begin to understand that they have the power to make changes in their life, they will no longer feel hopeless and powerless.

By D. W.
Exit & Support Network™
Last updated October 24, 2005

Note from ESN: It is very common for child survivors to have many problems with trust and to not comprehend what real love is, nor to recognize the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one. This is due to the programming that was placed in their minds at a young age. After exiting, these lies need to be rooted out and replaced with the truth.  

Footnote:

1 See: Speak Out Against Verbal Abuse [offsite link with many good articles]

"Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee."
~ Jeremiah 31: 3

Setting Boundaries

Understanding Mind Control and Exploitive Groups

Back to Articles For Child Survivors