I've had a negative view of
Psalms 23 all of my life. Somehow I had taken this beautiful chapter and
turned it into something depressing, maybe because it's read at funerals
many times. I'm not certain. I had taken the very first verse, "The
Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" in a wrong way and it set
the whole tone for the rest of the chapter. I always glossed over
that verse, but for some reason, I took it to mean that "I shall
not want Him" because I am evil and no good and not worthy. I
realized last night that it means "I shall not want for anything" because He cares for me patiently and watchfully.
I moved on to Psalms 24 and found it beautiful, so I continued and read
through Psalms 25, which just spoke to me in the most loving and
beautiful way. Do you understand the feeling you have when you read in
God's very own Word something that pierces your heart and speaks
directly to you? It was a true prayer that somehow I was saying to Him
as I read it. The whole chapter was an amazing prayer from Him
to Him somehow. That's the only way I can explain it. "O my God, I trust
in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed; let them be ashamed which
transgress without cause." (Vs. 2-3) How can I fully explain that
the book of Psalms, which caused me near terror to even look at, now
speaks to me as if it were alive, like God is speaking directly to me
(with me) right then?
This is what I wrote in my private journal last night:
Feeling God Within
/ A Prayer as I'm Led to Him
Lord, I wish that I could write
you a Psalm, as David would. A beautiful and lyrical prayer that lands
softly upon your ears, as the tinkling of chimes blown by soft winds.
I think of who You are and I think of the Spirit. I know He exists and
lives within me because I feel Him stirring me, gathering me gently to
Him when I begin to pray. All the time I'm praying to Abba, the Father
and Creator, but I feel His separateness and His oneness at the same
time. The Spirit gathers Himself and moves through my body as smoothly
and fluidly as water, rising up from my depths and spreading upward and
outward, creating a fullness inside that fills every corner of my being.
It is warmth and strength and a sense of preparedness to speak with my
Father. It is nameless and faceless somehow, a Being within me and part
of me, but a separate force, not of me, that fills me with strength. It
surrounds me with what feels like an enveloping hug of reassurance and
safety, but alive. I feel so alive that every nerve awakens to feeling.
I picture myself with Jesus, the One who is God. He walks with me. We speak openly,
without reservation, and He hears me and understands. He accepts. He
touches my shoulder with a gentle hand that conveys so much power at the
same time. He cups my chin and looks into my eyes and His own eyes show
a depth of understanding and compassion unfathomable to man. His fingers
gently wipe away my tears and He walks with me hand in hand, in
conversation. Many times, we are just together in silence, but every
thought is being expressed in my mind. We sit together and look off into
the distance in complete understanding. He allows me time to sort out my
thoughts and feelings. He kneels with me in the soft sand and cradles my
head to His chest. He grieves with me. My pain flows out of me and into
Him, yet it strengthens Him, instead of diminishing Him. He listens and
accepts, and when I've told Him my darkest secrets, He has forgiven with the
gentlest touch down my hair. I feel ready and clean somehow and prepared
to go to Abba. He doesn't take my prayers alone, as messages to Abba. He
doesn't leave me behind. Rather He walks with me and is with me at
Abba's throne, presenting me to Him. Abba sees me and opens His arms
wide, accepting me into His embrace as His child. It feels like home. It
feels like the end of a long journey. It feels like safety and love. He
takes me into His lap and the embrace is the answer to everything. Every
question, every hurt, every thought. It is the answer to all of my
prayers and the fulfillment of every need and desire. The only true
desire--complete and everlasting love.
By Rochelle - Child Survivor of WCG (who
was sexually,
physically and emotionally abused in WCG)
November 20, 2001
Poems/Free
Verse/Comfort
in Music (comfort for survivors
of abuse; no audio)
Books:
Spiritual Comfort/Inspiration
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