Am I Only a "Pseudo Personality"?
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Children raised in religious cults or cultic
groups have been subjected to many expectations and demands by the
ministers and parents alike to create submission and conformity to the
group teachings. The intense pressure to think and act in two different
ways caused a cult identity ("pseudopersonality") to begin to
form. This "pseudopersonality" repressed their authentic self
and was a dissociative defense which allowed
the mind to cope with and adapt to the contradictory and intense
demands of the cult environment. When
an adult comes out of a
totalitarian group that they did not spend their life in, they are usually
encouraged during recovery to
connect back to their authentic or pre-cult self. Unfortunately, children who
have been born or raised in an oppressive or abusive group have
difficulty with this as the
"pseudopersonality" stifled the child's true self and hindered
the
opportunity to develop critical thinking skills.
Additionally, the child raised with harsh structure and discipline has had to learn to live simultaneously according to two separate sets of rules, the group teachings, which is the only acceptable worldview, and the outside world, which they also must live in. Each separate world carries with it a different value system and belief system, which caused the child to question the validity in each system and can lead them to confused and conflicting beliefs regarding both worlds. These children internalized a view that neither world is safe and became even more isolated within themselves. Accordingly, if there is corresponding physical and emotional abuse and trauma within the family structure and/or cultic environment, the child undoubtedly will not have a good sense of self or identity. When the abusive group and the parents denigrated independent critical thinking skills, it created dependency and insecurity within the child's personality. No questions, protests nor legitimately sad or angry feelings were allowed in either the home or the cultic group. In many of these abusive situations the child was made to feel he, along with his feelings and opinions, were of little worth. Feeling "different" and "not normal," the child inevitably became fearful and mistrustful of authority figures such as teachers, counselors or law enforcement personnel. Since all of these had been perceived as "the enemy" they were unable to turn to them for help or relief. As the child continued to think and behave as taught within the family structure or group and in ways that are "acceptable," then they continued to stifle their authentic personality and rejected independent thoughts as evil, worldly, selfish or disloyal. This greatly distorted the child's self-perceptions, creating a framework of guilt and shame within their own mind and caused them to devalue their very own thoughts and feelings and reject them out of fear. Children who had a strong temperament in the group, even considered "rebellious" or "resistant" by the leaders or parents, may fare better in making an effective transition into society after they leave. If they can connect with those feelings and behaviors that were not approved of by the group; i.e., wanting to buy some needed clothing instead of sending in their tithe or desiring to engage in a fun sport instead of sitting and reading on the Sabbath, this may show them something genuine about themselves. Part of understanding "who" they really are can even be as simple as realizing basic things about their own personal tastes. What is my favorite color? Do I have any hobbies or specific interests? Do I prefer dogs or cats? Do I like summer or winter? If I could go anywhere in the world and do anything I want, what would it be? Those basic insights into oneself can help the child survivor to understand that there really is an authentic self who has personal likes and dislikes, thoughts and viewpoints, interests and hobbies. The child survivor may also find it helpful to sort through their experiences they had while growing up and evaluate their positive and negative experiences, the healthy and the unhealthy, the true and the false, the happy memories and the unhappy, instead of throwing away the entire history of their life. Throwing it all out leaves a void of emptiness and doesn't allow for the integration of the past experience into their present life. This sorting process takes time. Trying out new things to see what you enjoy and what you seem to have a talent for is also helpful. All these allow the survivor to identify with their authentic self, or build a new identity based on ideas and hopes that come from their own heart and mind and that have not been handed to them to be accepted unquestioningly. Some that have counseled those from cults maintain that our authentic personality is with us forever and that mind control cannot erase it. Therefore, even those born into cults will have an authentic self, although it was suppressed by the mind control and abuse of the group. The development of the "true self" was delayed, and there will be developmental lags, but as the mind is set free from the influence of the group, that self will begin to tentatively emerge and will grow even stronger as it is nurtured along by the "adult self" who is in recovery. When a child survivor
understands that they were born as a separate and distinct entity and do
not have to remain a sum of their abusive experiences or be what others
have told them they are, this can be very comforting. As they step out
and make their own choices, they will be able to see who they are and
who they are not and that they do not have to remain a shadow of a
destructive cult or have a "pseudopersonality" the rest of their lives. By D. W. (former WCG member) and
Rochelle (Child Survivor of
WCG) Recommended books: Captive Hearts; Captive Minds (chapter 12 covers seeking professional counseling) Released From Shame: Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
Booklist for more titles.
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