I moved back home briefly after school and attended regularly with my parents, helped Dad set up the hall and what not. I moved out of state again, and then I would occasionally attend the local congregation. 

Meanwhile, I had a long-distance relationship with a girl I met at SEP1988. We became friends by way of writing, and we developed feelings for each other. In 1993 I was offered and accepted a job at a large manufacturing company.

My then girlfriend was a baptized member of the cult, and given that baptized members weren't supposed to marry the "unwashed," I tried to do the right thing. I was getting settled into my new job, and I tried my hand once again attending that local congregation. But we really wanted to get married, so I was gonna work on getting properly baptized, etc. Then it occurred to me: if I was to be a proper member and become baptized, then there was no way I could keep a job where I may be required to work on a Saturday.

I talked to my supervisor, and of course they had no further use for me, and I was out the door in a month. Ironically, I now work for that company, have been for about 4 years--and I work Saturdays!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Herbert and Joe. If by some fluke it is a mortal sin to work on the Seventh day, then I will see you all in hell, Mister Armstrong, and Mister Tkach, Sr. and Jr. Keep the fire going $#%^&*!!! (Sorry, had to vent.)

I tried to talk to the church officials and acquaintances there, some of whom my parents had known since before I was born. Of course they were no help to me. No legal action was suggested, ala freedom of religion and all that jazz. They were all "sorry to hear it; it's such a shame but that happens." Apparently, I was supposed to be a good Christian, make sacrifices, give something up, wear sackcloth and ashes. But no one can doubt that I surely was dedicated; so serious about baptism as to "sacrifice" to show how holy I was. They made me feel that I should accept my martyrdom, because God had his little black book out and for heavens' sake he would put a couple of tick marks down by my name for this deed. BULL SH**!!!

Anyway, I wound up living back home and again attending with my parents. By March of 1994, I had been dumped by my girlfriend--and after jeopardizing my future career. All so I could be baptized, and we could marry. My dog died the same week. (Not a good week for me.) At that point I became really disillusioned with the whole scheme. I half-heartedly attended, helped my dad set up the hall, then even that stopped. I would still help my dad set up the hall, but I stopped attending.

At some point late in `94, I attended the feast with my parents. I wasn't gonna turn down a trip to Corpus Christi, I love it down there. That was when all the news rolled out about all these changes, blah, blah, blah. By then, I wasn't really interested. In 1995 I attended once or twice when I moved back out of state and became gainfully employed. Saw some old and dear friends of the family, but the service just seemed so weird. At the time, everyone seemed to be so open and laid back. Of course that local congregation was stumbling along and it seemed so odd to me. I may have went with my parents a time or two occasionally since then, going back to visit. But there is little left in that congregation. And going back there is almost visiting a once thriving ghost town.

I could have been agnostic, but I married and my wife is not agnostic (she's Lutheran and has never had any affiliation with WCG at all). I have attended other churches not affiliated in the least with WCG. She has brought me so much perspective on a great many things.

I think that since I drifted away and didn't attend any church for a while that allowed me to bury my anger. I have reached the point now in my life where I can better deal with it. I am tired of being angry, and I told this to my wife. I am trying to let go of my anger and replace it with something more positive. Besides, life is too short to walk around with that kind of anger, taking the focus off real problems. Not that the experience so many went through was not a problem.

I certainly agree that ESN's website should not be used to allow one's anger to fester. But don't change a thing. What really has been helping me is reading about what happened to me coming from someone else. All the SEP, FOT, and other assorted stories. All ring familiar. I remember one time hearing some of the adults talking about someone who had actually worked on a Saturday. Scandalous, to say the least.

Two things I have found common among second-generation exiters. Tremendous guilt. And anger. My personality is still geared that way. If this was one's only exposure to religion, it's no wonder so many have turned atheist or agnostic. I almost was. The expression of anger should have a place on your site. Tempered with understanding, and a big helping of Jesus, we can all get through this.

By Blake - Child Survivor of WCG
March 3, 2003

Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused

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