I recently stumbled upon your website quite by chance. I read with
interest what other surviving children had to say. How many of them seem
to retain some faith in organized religion is beyond me and yet I am
happy that they have found a way to feel God's love in their lives.
I am 48 years old, divorced with 3 children. I am not sure when my
parents joined the
WCG, but I do not have a memory of not attending
services. When I was 18, I stopped attending and I have never gone back
to either the WCG or any church. I do believe in God and God's presence
in my life, but for me, this is a very private relationship and not one
I need or want to share with "men."
What I remember most about those times was being confused and fearful. I
never knew when I was going to get spanked or corrected. We lived in
Tucson and under Mr. Reedy's regime, we were constantly being reminded
that we were evil and needed Satan beaten out of us. On top of that, I
had the unfortunate status of being female. It was often drummed into my
head that as a woman, I had little or no options. I was expected to be
someone's wife some day and do everything that man told me to do. When I
showed a more than adequate talent at art, it was a source of pride for
my father, but nothing was done to encourage me to pursue it as a
possible career.
I was taught to look down on people in "the world" and to distance
myself from them. A difficult feat in a public school system to be sure.
My mother made all my clothes because the styles in the early 70's were
way too daring for HWA and I remember sermons including the number of
inches above the knee my skirts could be: Two inches, by the way. No
more. I convinced my mother to make me skirts instead of dresses and
spent the next several years rolling them up from the waistband on my
way to school and rolling them down on my way home. By some miracle, I
was never caught, but I lived in fear of the punishment if I was.
My father was a deacon in the WCG and as such, we had to present a good
example. Ours was "encouraged" by a paddle my father had made out of
birch. On the wall of our kitchen was a list of offences and the
corresponding number of "swats" we would receive. These offences
included such things as not addressing my father as "Sir" whenever he
spoke to me or answering, "Yes, Sir" when he told me to do something (my
mother was to be addressed as ma'am) to lying, chewing with our mouths
open, etc.
One of the forcibly divorced women from our church used to bring her
son over so my father could spank him, as he would not let his mother do
it and he was too big for her to hold down. My father also made paddles
for several church members because he was good at woodworking.
I lived in constant fear of demon possession. The WCG's explanation for
everything was "demon possession." They (the demons) were all around and
one only had to be non-vigilant at one point during their life and the
demons would take over. The stories the men in the church told about
seeing so and so and "they were obviously possessed" became our ghost
stories.
I did not remember the spanking tent at the FOT until I read one of the
accounts and yes, then I remembered it and being taken there for "that
look of rebellion" on my face. If I had one penny for each time I was
spanked for the look on my face, I'd be a very rich woman indeed. I used
to pray every night before falling asleep that God would make me a good
girl so I wouldn't get spanked. It was a rare day in my life not to
receive a spanking.
I also attended SEP around 73 or 74. I did not have any bad experiences
there, but I do remember GTA and a group of us girls (we were all about
14-15 years old) went over to his house on the grounds and sang him a
song. Our counselors were really nice and we got along really well. But
of course, there were all sorts of rumors about sexual stuff going on
when I was there.
It was with particular interest that I read about
dissociative
disorders. Although I had the good fortune to be guided to a
particularly gifted therapist and have not had any problems with this in
16 years, I suffered with this most of my life. To read how others
brought up in this cult experienced the same disorder has given me at
once a great deal of comfort and a great deal of anger.
I've had a life-long struggle to feel worthy of my own love and not
choose destructive behavior or relationships. To have compassion for
myself has taken me a long, long time.
The long-term effect of being reared under the WCG's guidelines are
trouble trusting in my own talent and ability, always feeling like an
outsider, low self worth and a fear of being "noticed."
I've never been able to comfortably seek out another church to attend
because, while I don't believe in the teaching of GTA or HWA any more, I
am fearful that they were right about all the other churches too. So, in
essence, I have created my own spiritual life within myself and do not
trust other churches at all.
The WCG robbed me of a "normal" childhood, a career, and a healthy marriage.I look around at my life now and I know that I have had
God's grace and mercy, but just didn't know it. That is why I am here and
not dead.
I have raised my three children to believe in themselves because I made
sure they know that I believe in them.
Thank you again for your website. It is so validating and important to
all
of us who suffered in this self-serving cult.
By Claire - Child survivor of WCG
December 18,
2005
P.S. I am disgusted to read about HWA's and GTA's REAL personalities.
That
the misery and chaos they caused in other people's lives were a source
of
amusement to them makes me sick.
Note by ESN: The WCG for many
years told their members to follow
The Plain Truth About Child
Rearing, a dreadful booklet written by
Garner Ted
Armstrong. (Update: GTA died of pneumonia at age 73 on 9-15-03.)
Appalled
at How Children Were Treated in WCG (covers spankings)
Articles
For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
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