I too am a child survivor of the
Worldwide Church of God. I attended
the London church from the age of 5 to 14. My father was not in the
"church." I was always made to feel like a second class citizen at
services because of this. I didn't have the "model church family" and
in the pecking order we were the lowest of the low. I was seen as
being in a single parent family. I remember my friends used to ask me
"do you love your dad?" because he was seen as virtually the devil. I
used to see these large Stepford-like families with their own Bible
hymnals and well groomed kids and wish I could live with them. Outside
the WCG I also felt like an outsider not being able to go to my
friends' birthday parties or not ever see them on Saturdays. I became
judgmental of them and felt a sense of guilt when I associated too
much with them.
It is impossible to convey to those who
have not experienced growing up in the church how great an impact it
has had on a person's life even to this day and even after all of the
scandals and all the doctrinal changes that have come about. Even
though I stopped going to services at age 14, the teachings of
Herbert Armstrong are locked
within my psyche and have made it hard for me to associate with the
world in a positive way. Even though nowadays I am disillusioned by
religion as a whole, there's a part of me that still looks at other
Christians with scorn, scoffing at Christmas and Easter. I am 33 now
and I still feel happiness at being able to lie in bed on a Saturday
without being dragged to a two hour sermon in a suit!!
What makes the whole ordeal of the WCG
feel unresolved within me is that for the most part I enjoyed the
kindness of most of the members. I loved Y.O.U and felt such
excitement about going off to the feast every year, I'm sure most of
us did. As an enlightened adult I now feel extremely foolish and
cheated. I now can remember how large and opulent the ministers houses
were and how their families always seemed to observe the feast in far
more luxury--the best hotels in the resort, the most expensive
activities etc. With the pressures of 30% tithing, our own financial
situation wasn't the best and my mother's career as a nurse suffered
greatly because she refused to work on Saturdays. I used to remember
watching the telecasts and seeing the beautiful chandeliers in
Ambassador College and the brand new lear jet and thinking "wow--we
are really achieving something!" instead of thinking "wow--our tithe
funds are being misspent!" The "church" made us feel that Herbert
Armstrong was a world statesman so why couldn't he have the
presidential trappings of one?
I look back at it now and remember how
controlled my mind was. Once HWA visited our church and I remember the
other kids and I deliberately playing in front of the stage during an
interval so that we could get a mere glimpse of HWA. It was as if he
was a god himself. I used to like pop music as a child and this was
frowned upon. Classical music was the music of choice. Even what we
watched on TV was controlled. No Dallas or Dynasty for us!! The
control was subtle. A frown or word from the minister was enough to
stop us from eating white bread, orange squash, watching a certain
film at the movies, or reading a certain book. We had a member of our
congregation who was blind in one eye with a cataract in the other.
His refusal to seek medical attention meant that the second eye
deteriorated and he eventually went completely blind. The more blind
he got the more fervently he prayed. He spent the last years of his
life blind, and died without seeing the faces of his grandchildren. A
simple operation could have solved this.
As much as I disliked the WCG, it is its
fragmentation and change of doctrine that
has made me feel the most uneasy. It feels as if my old school has
been destroyed and a huge part of me has simply been told I was wrong
(even though I rejected it anyway). It is the most confusing of
feelings and I can't help but feel an anger about being led to hate
for that part of my life. To hate politics, to hate other Christians,
to hate the outside world. There is a lot of good in the world but the
WCG rejected it was a whole. It was far from an inclusive organisation.
It was a
cult,
no bones about it, and the saddest thing is that its taken me so long
to realise this. This is such a great website and has helped me
through the healing process knowing that I am not the only one.
Love,
Kirk - Child
survivor of WCG, ex-member of WCG and PCG
May 29, 2007
Articles
For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
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