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I was a "child of the church," being born into it and leaving it the day
I turned 18. Yesterday was the first I realized that there are other
people out there like me.
I, too, was raised poor. I have never heard an "I love you" from
any of my family members or church members. I was raised believing
that everyone looked down on me, including God, and that nothing I did
would ever be good enough. I had no idea that others in the WCG experienced
the same things that I have. I always assumed that my childhood was
rougher than everyone else's, and that "the church" was just another
ingredient in a recipe that didn't turn out too well. I didn't realize
that the WCG was the recipe, and everything else were the ingredients.
I have read some of the posts about the friends other members of the
congregation have made. I, however, had no friends in the
"church." I had
no friends at all, come to think of it. I know the feeling of true
loneliness--it is a hollow feeling when no one loves you, and you can't
turn to God or even yourself for approval. 1
Even as I type this, I feel that I am sinning. I feel that God will
smite me for doing this. My parents would be ashamed and
embarrassed
(they still attend a splinter group). What would the rest of the
congregation think? It's funny, they didn't worry about my
reputation when I went to school in ragged clothes that reeked. They didn't worry about our reputation when we were on the side of the road putting our
car's engine fire out with sand. But to have not one child, but four
children, "abandon" the "church" that was largely responsible for our
situation, that is shame in their eyes. But, hey, many are called, few
are chosen, right? I guess I just wasn't good enough to be chosen then.
It's hard to explain to orthodox people what
Worldwide Church of
God
was like. To vomit
when you are five years old and fasting. To contemplate if gum counts
as food or not. To feel ill when you accidentally eat pork. To have old
men bring you candy and send you letters in the mail telling you how
gorgeous you, a twelve year old, are. To have deacons look down on you
like you aren't good enough, despite your efforts to impress them. To
not be allowed to date, to wear make-up, to listen to most music. To
cry at the sight of Christmas lights. To have guilt associated with the
acts that bring most people joy. To try to fake it as a normal person.
By Sherry - Child Survivor of WCG
May 18, 2006
Footnote by ESN:
1 The feeling that we can't
turn to God or ourselves for love or approval is a result of the
programming placed in our mind by the cult. The true God is a God of
love manifested through Jesus. He loves us with an everlasting love and will never cast
anyone away who comes to Him. Read:
Because God Loves Me and
Comforting Words About the True God.
Poems/Free Verse/Comfort in Music
(comfort for survivors of abuse; no audio)
Articles
For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
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