This is written because I know
there must be thousands out there like me who were raised in the
Worldwide Church of God and
are finding it almost impossible to live life and seek Jesus Christ in a
real and sincere way.
I watched my mother die of breast cancer without the benefit of medical
treatment and / or pain killers. I was 14 years old when she developed
breast cancer and 16 years old when she died. God did not heal her, our
family was riddled with guilt because we knew that "sin" in
our family caused her death. I was told that to grieve was an act of
selfish indulgence. Death was "God's decision" and to mourn was to question God. I never shed a tear at the funeral. I did, however, throw
up all night long and was ashamed of my body's betrayal of my spiritual
weakness.
At the age of 32, my 34 year old sister suffered and died from a
malignant brain tumor, also without the aid of medicine and/or pain
killers. Her husband was in the ministry of the WCG and denied any
family members from seeing her in her last months. We never knew why.
She maintained phone contact with my younger sister and me and expressed
a desire to see her family. We had lost our father just seven months before
her illness was diagnosed and we were all very close.
I went to Ambassador College, where I met and married a young man also
raised in the WCG (dating outside the faith was not allowed). He
struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for the entire 19 years of our
marriage. My oldest daughter and I were abused mentally, emotionally,
and physically. Each time I counseled with the ministry of the WCG, I was
told to become a "better wife and a better and more loving Christian."
If
I were truly putting my life in God's hands, these problems would not
exist. We were never able to confront his drug and alcohol abuse as
these problems "did not exist" in the WCG and could never
be openly admitted to. When I divorced him, I knew I had to leave the
fellowship of
the "church" as well and that God would turn His back on me because I was
breaking my marriage vows to Him. I made the decision to protect myself
and my children on my own.
After our divorce, my husband's
problems intensified and a resulting car accident took his life. My
husband's father abused each and everyone of his children. He was an
alcoholic and a member in good standing of the WCG, just like my
husband. In a patriarchal social structure the male is second only to
God and to usurp his authority or question his judgment, even when
impaired by drugs and
alcohol, is questioning the social structure that God Himself has created
and therefore questioning God's wisdom.
I left the WCG of my own accord sometime after my divorce. It was
during all of the changes and upheaval of the early 90's. After all I
had been through, I realized that the WCG did not have the answers to
the very real problems my family and I had faced and in fact had kept us
from dealing with those problems in a constructive manner. However, I
have simply floundered spiritually. I trust no one and certainly not any
organization. The inherent deception involved in living with someone
hiding a drug/alcohol addiction is enough to cause anyone to lose trust
in everyone and everything; combine that with the environment of the WCG
and I have to ask, "Will I ever have a relationship with other
people
and a real relationship with God?" I attended my first
feast of
tabernacles in 1960, I have been afraid of the "Germans" and
"the Catholics" since I can remember. Knowing that I had
broken the Ten Commandments in my life, the threat of torture and death
were constant companions from the age of four years old on. I lived my
life so carefully and in such fear only to find out I had been lied to
about the wonderful forgiveness of Jesus Christ.
My heart goes out to each and every person who has lost trust and has
carried the burden of the teachings of the WCG since early childhood. I
am getting past the fear, the anger, and the hopelessness. I ask Jesus
Christ for forgiveness and trust.
By Lorelei - Child Survivor of WCG
November 21, 2001
Articles
For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
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