I immersed myself with every booklet, magazine, and the Ambassador College Bible Correspondence Course--anything I could get my hands on. I was convinced Saturday was the Sabbath. My husband and I used to play tennis every Saturday. I remember announcing to him that I would no longer be doing that. No more tennis, no more sex and "doing our pleasure" (I had just read The Missing Dimension in Sex), no more going out with friends on the Sabbath. I know it was quite a shock for him since we had only been married for a few months. Katy was curious about all of this and I was more than happy to share all my magazines and booklets with her. She had read The U.S. and Britain in Prophecy but did not share my zeal. I was puzzled by her reaction and I shared this with our minister's wife. Why wasn't Katy as excited as I was about finding "The Truth"? I was told that God was calling me, but not her at this time. I was also advised that I should not be proselytizing to my friends and relatives, and to let God do the calling. I was soon to learn one of the phrases that was often used in the WCG, "So how were you called into God's Church?" It was our opportunity to share how we came into contact with the True Church - our personal story. I remember the feeling of reverence and sacredness when we spoke about "Our Calling." It was that precious moment in time when God "chose us," just like he chose Abraham. Little did I know at the time, this was called "Elite Status" (making us feel special) and that cults use these methods to entrap us. "Loading the Language" is another method that cults employ (phrases like "Our Calling, The Place of Safety, Qualifying for the Kingdom" which has no meaning to outsiders but plenty of meaning to the insiders).

Katy and I continued working together through the years. She pursued a college degree and encouraged me to do the same since the company was paying for it. I evaded her suggestions, which puzzled her. Why wouldn't I take advantage of a FREE college education? What she didn't know was that I was becoming more and more indoctrinated. College was looked down upon in the WCG as "worldly" if you weren't getting your education from Ambassador College. The reason was that if AC was God's college, than anything outside of that was Satan's system of education, which was considered inferior and contrary to God. Besides, we were going to the "Place of Safety" any time now, so why bother wasting time and money on a college education??? Katy had no clue what was going on and I kept very secretive about it.

Brick by brick, I continued to build up a wall between Katy and me. She continued going to school and completed her B.A. degree. She also had obtained several awards and received recognition for her achievements at our company. I continued hunkering down and waiting for the Tribulation to come, even having my orthodontics removed even though the company was paying 100% for them. Katy developed her talents while I buried mine. I was considered an excellent worker at our company and always received good raises, but whenever my bosses would approach me about continuing education, I would refuse. I was afraid of being promoted and having to work on the
Sabbath like Katy had done on several occasions.

Katy continued making friends at work, and had many close friends. When she went through her divorce, they--not me--were there for her. They loaned her money to buy her house from her ex-husband and she paid back every cent. I had no money to lend her. I had given it all to the WCG. This was "God's Work," I was told, and we were on "the gun lap." What I didn't know was that the gun lap had been going on for years, if not decades. I had no close friends at work even though I did go swimming during lunch with a co-worker for awhile. She was a Christian, and I felt sorry for her for being "deceived" because she was so nice. I avoided religious topics with her and kept my WCG life secretive from her as well.

I remember when HWA died and Katy brought a newspaper to the office. I read it and I cried. It wasn't very complimentary, and I was sure Satan made sure that every nasty "lie" was said about "God's True Apostle." Katy felt bad for me. I remember thinking "Moses died and did not get to lead us into the Promised Land." What I failed to comprehend was that HWA was a false prophet who went to his grave without a single prophecy coming true (just like the article said).

Katy moved to Colorado with her son and we moved to the Midwest. Katy
remarried and started traveling all over the world, while I continued to center my life around Worldwide. I remember watching an episode of Star Trek - The Next Generation (one of the few I've seen since I thought TV was worldly). The scariest thing that could happen to the Enterprise crew was being captured by a Cyborg. The "Borgs" would take their victims and plug them into a giant brainwashing machine so the could be "assimilated." When the process was completed, the victim would dress like a Borg, talk like a Borg, and repeat the party line "We are Borg - we are to be assimilated." No individuality was permitted. No free thought. They were completely stripped of their original identity and changed into lifeless, unfeeling robots. I never realized how much of a Borg I had become. I could hear announcements about friends being disfellowshipped and agreed that it was for their own good. I could hear about babies being spanked and think that it was for their own good. When members would lament about their financial situation and question, "Where are the blessings?" I thought they were greedy, weak and pitiful. Triple-tithing plus offerings were instituted for their own good and they just "needed to obey and stop whimpering." Somehow, in pursuit of becoming the Ultimate Disciple, I had become less than human to the suffering of others.

When we finally left Worldwide, I sent Katy a Christmas card. I wrote "Merry Christmas" twelve times on the card. I told her it was for each year that I wasn't allowed to say "Merry Christmas" to her. She was overjoyed that we left, and I asked her forgiveness for being such a jerk. I had to grieve over all I missed with her (I rarely spent any time with her even though we worked together). I never got to see her son grow up. I never offered to baby-sit for her because "it was the Sabbath." I wasn't there for her during her divorce. It was a deep and terrible hurt to realize how badly I treated my best friend while thinking that I was the "only true Christian." Her unconditional love and forgiveness toward me spoke volumes. I felt like the prodigal friend who had finally returned home.

Today, Katy and I have put all of this behind us. We have continued staying in contact. She now lives in Oklahoma with her husband and teaches at a local university. Her son is serving in the Marine Corps. We are planning to go on a cruise together after my kids are grown. It's so nice to have joy in my life again and dreams for my future and my children's future.

By Lindsey
Exit & Support Network™
August 13, 2003

Stories, Testimonies and Writings by Exiters    

Back to Looking Back on My Experiences