I Didn't Fit As a
Deacon
| I did not consider myself being
a deacon in
Worldwide Church of God important enough to make a point of it. I am, and was, aware
that most men very much desired the office for a sense of power. It was
a thought that never occurred to me for myself. I've seen men and women
cry when someone was being ordained and when the office was not for them. I
never took it to give me any power over anyone. There were certainly
others who wanted the office for themselves that made it clear in their
approaches to me that my having it did not have their approval.
I learned in my military experience that a good leader leads by doing just that. "Leading," not driving. At our deacons and elders meetings we would organize the congregations and assign people various jobs to be done. Sometimes a question would come up as to whether a person might, or might not prefer the job given him or her. However, in our case that was not a factor to be considered. Deacons were to be told what to do and were expected to do it without question. I had no pride in being a part of that. I also recall that a small number of people would be overworked during the Feast of Tabernacles. I always thought that was wrong. Again, it was assigned on a command structure, which I felt was out of place within a church. Also, we were set up to be a bit "above" the mere members of the congregation. I never felt that was correct. I attempted to get all my friends to address me on a first name basis to remove any such barrier. Many could not do that. It was too drilled into them that everyone had a title or a prefix. After I developed serious health problems, I sought out and accepted medical care. It was my body and my pain I had to deal with. I knew the Bible well enough to be well aware there was no scriptural reason to deny one medical care when it is needed. It seemed I was disliked because of this. However, I didn't sign my body over to them and they didn't own me to that extent. I would be in our meetings and often I quietly reminded myself I did not really belong there. There was so much that was so distasteful about the church that I was coming to no longer wanting to be a part of it. People were treated abusively and I had a real problem with that. It seemed the better people were treated the worst. The more examples I saw of "leaders" who primarily wanted power over other people the more I disliked it and questioned whether I was in the right place. There were those who were not in positions of leadership but very much wanted to be so they might have a little power over someone else. I continued doing the work I was doing and the pastor told me to stop doing the work myself and get others to do it. I never considered myself any more than a servant and I know that is different than most of them. There were many times during our deacons and elders meetings that I had the definite strong feeling that I did not fit and did not belong there and this is the honest truth. By Will
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