I have so much wondered how I ever allowed myself to be led so far astray as has happened by Worldwide Church of God. It has been an absolute puzzle to me as to how I came to a point where I allowed the abuse I suffered from them. I don't understand it; it had not been my nature to allow myself to be so trampled on.

About 30 years ago I was floundering around in hope of finding a church I could really believe in. Then, along came WCG via the radio. They seemed to have all the answers, although now I realize it was all simplistic and without value.

I was facing career change stresses at the same time I felt I was dealing with spiritual issues. A church that was the "only true church with all the answers" resonated with me. I'd had enough military experience that I accepted the authoritarianism without a lot of question since I would not be so subject to making so many mistakes by making my own decisions. I really got 'into it' with my whole heart and being.

Over time I developed some serious health problems that are known for being rather painful along with other problems. At some point I decided I needed medical attention, which was against church rules and doctrine. However, it was "my pain" that they were not suffering for me and I accepted medical management and assistance. This made me somewhat of a target for their displeasure, except that our pastor at that time did not seem to have much of a problem with my doing what I very much needed to do.

Over time we had a new pastor that must have had serious hatred for the medical profession. As I had been subject to the displeasure of the membership, I now had the great disapproval of this pastor for seeing the doctors. He then intruded into our personal lives as he decided I needed to be straightened out. I became the object of very strong attack because of stresses on our marriage with all the foregoing. For a while I accepted the mistreatment because I thought that was the thing I had to do--to be an overcomer. After all, the ministry convinced us they had a sense of discernment and I felt he would at some point come around and become more reasonable in his position and approach. However, it became glaringly obvious that the ministry was completely unqualified to be so involved in this part of our lives. They had absolutely had no understanding of the complexities of human nature and were making some serious mistakes that were destroying our personal lives.

There were several other areas of my personal life I felt I should retain control of and this caused great displeasure on the part of the pastor. I accepted a lot of angry abusive attacks and kept some control over areas that had nothing to do with doctrine or church practices. The ministry made a habit of coming to my home and exhibiting behavior that I should have put a stop to while they were in their temper tantrums. After a great amount of suffering on my part from all this I did resist and got some legal assistance, and with a little help from Headquarters we brought an end to the misbehavior of the ministers within my home. I got them out of my personal life, and since I had legal assistance they must have been reluctant to disfellowship me. Otherwise, I am well aware that anyone who took a stand against the gross abusiveness was subject to being put out of the church.

I met the major doctrinal changes we were given in 1995 with a sense of relief. My personal studies had made it clear to me that some of the church practices were not in accord with Scripture, but I kept that to myself because I was sure that would have been a one way ticket out. I had to so some more personal study to solidify all the changes for myself. Looking back on it I now realize much of the church's explanation for the changes might have been written, or at least greatly influenced, by those of other Christian churches whose favor our leaders were seeking.

My wife and I remained with WCG to see how all the changes were going
to work out since we took them to be steps in the right direction. However, it became obvious the church has no direction. As I started studying the background of WCG, I learned of the serious problems among the leaders at Pasadena, which included much corruption as well as common mistreatment of the members. In our congregation the quality of church services deteriorated so greatly that we became disturbed by it. It seems to us there is a direction toward the New Age Movement and that definitely is not our style. 

I thought about it a long while before leaving WCG. It has not been easy for me. My wife was not as much "into it" as I was and it seems easier on her than for me. I feel so free now without all the burden I've been struggling with in staying. I might not yet be sure where I will fit in, but I know I can take my time with it. I don't have to hurry it, although I very much want to be a part of a church as a Christian.

Still, I wonder how I allowed the abuse I accepted and I am aware that I must accept personal responsibility for it. I should have stopped it where it started. I suffered so much emotional and spiritual pain from the temper tantrums of the ministers. I have to find a way to put all that behind me and go on with my life as a Christian. I keep reminding myself I am free and it feels so great. I am so grateful for your website, which I find so helpful. Thank you so much.

Maybe this is getting too long, but there is one more point that I wanted to bring out. It is my understanding that the ministry of WCG was to encourage small groups for the purpose of dealing with issues of abuse by the church. While several small groups formed for a while in our congregation, never was there any attention given to the abuse issues. It just did not happen here. I very strongly feel this should have been done and I think the church is at great fault in failing to address it.

It hasn't been easy to write this brief synopsis, but I feel I have a need to get it done and it might be helpful to me in moving on.

Sincerely, 

John
February 10, 2001

A Note to "John" from ESN: You do not have to accept responsibility for the abuse you endured. The responsibility goes back on the head of the abusers who controlled us with fear. Perpetrators of abuse want the victim to remain silent. That way they can keep on abusing. We realize that if someone was raped, it was not their fault. Yet, we were raped spiritually, and it was not our fault. We went in there because they took our vulnerabilities and exploited them. However, the true Jesus has suffered more than any of us can ever know and, as a result, He can fully understand our pain and He will come to us and comfort us.

Letter Exposing Outright Lies, Abuses and Sociopathic Behavior (Tells the truth about what was really going on at the time of the changes.)

Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused

Back to Stories & Testimonies by Former Members of WCG and Offshoots