Once in the WCG I was told that I was in the "devil's profession" (the medical field). I would have to quit, so I might as well apply to Ambassador College, since I had no other close connections. I did. There I had some truly wonderful experiences. I didn't know at the time that having every moment of every day structured and monitored--plus the lack of sleep to accomplish all that--must be done was a mind control technique I knew nothing about.

I latched onto it "hook, line and sinker." After two years (and since I already had a degree and was older) I was allowed to marry a senior being considered for the field ministry. What a truly blessed and humbling honor. I had met some ministers' wives and they all scared me; that should have been a red flag. I never fit the mold; I never did stuff quite right. Everything I did was analyzed and corrected by my "loving minister husband." I had three children in the first five years. I was incredibly lonely. Where we lived was remote. I developed alcoholism and an eating disorder and was incredibly depressed to the point of a suicide attempt. The treatment for that was a transfer to HQ. Then subsequent transfers every two to three years. I was a square peg in a round hole the entire time. I tried to show the happy face, serve and speak loyally, and keep my problems to myself. I immersed myself in the lives of my children and lived for them.

During my first year of recovery from alcoholism (found in AA), my husband had an affair. It was "my fault" since I wasn't performing my wifely duties. The church and the visiting evangelist agreed and the solution to that problem was a transfer. I tried to be the perfect wife and mother and minister's wife and lost myself along the way. I did what my husband told me to do: entertain, take complete care of the house and kids, attend all functions, support him totally in public, take his public criticisms, and "correct women and teen-age girls in the church." I have too many regrets to mention. I tried to make amends as I went along.

As the church started to change to the new covenant, I was thrilled and relieved. Unfortunately, my husband was a part of the group planning to split the church and create the United Church of God-AIA. I was blind to the end. He left. I stayed with WCG. He got severance pay, a retraining package, a year's salary and benefits, the car, a year's vacation pay and all our close friends. I guess they were really his friends. I got to move to a one bedroom apartment and he gave me a small amount of money to buy some stuff.

Divorce proceedings began. I could not afford a lawyer. I was attending college to get my RN degree and working four nights a week to pay the bills. I went to my minister and asked for financial and/or legal help from the church, so as not to be totally screwed in the divorce. He said "we don't do that anymore." In essence, he said. "I have nothing to give you, hope it all works out (be warm and fed and go away)." So I did, and I got royally screwed. I stopped attending while doing my clinicals to get my RN degree.

Then I began to attend again because of friends who were special to me. (My kids never attended again. They are on their own spiritual journeys.) I gradually learned HWA never wrote his own "inspired" writings. All the material from the Ambassador Report¹ from the seventies was proving to be more true than rumor. In the past I had never faithfully read the "dissident" literature to find out all these things.

Recovery from alcoholism and eventual medication and counseling have restored my life to me. I struggle every day with bad memories and the dumb things I did. Forgiving myself will be a lifelong process. I know God has forgiven. I don't know how to forget.

Here's the point of the glass house: the minister's family you saw sitting in the front row, that looked so happy and "together" lived a completely different life behind the closed doors at home. My kids would say, "Who's that guy talking up there? We don't live with him." He was different at home. He was different as soon as we got in the car after leaving services or an activity. I don't know how many others were like us, but I know they were out there.

I am following the recovery program as suggested by the Exit & Support Network website, and I am extremely thankful to have found you. My children and I are very close, though they are grown and live around the country. I am happily remarried, I am a successful psychiatric nurse, and we are moving to another state for our own fresh start. I regained my own personality, my self respect, my critical thinking skills, my health of mind and body. I am amazed when I look back and "did not see it," though my family and friends and Lutheran minister and others told me it was a cult. My mother said she never stopped praying that I would come out of it. After 30 years, her prayers have been answered.

By Rochelle (Ex-minister's ex-wife)
January 17, 2003

Footnote by ESN:

¹ The Ambassador Report helped many to leave WCG through its exposé of the organization. In the beginning Trechak and the team that he worked with appeared to have a very noble goal. But after awhile it was apparent that he had a close attachment to Stan Rader and the message in his AR became so mixed that it caused people to become bitter instead of being on the road to healing. His report was later referring readers off to agnostic, aberrant, cultic, New Age, meta-physical, anti-Bible and humanistic sources through comments, letters, addresses and book titles. Neither did the AR reveal the real reasons behind the WCG changes. Nevertheless, many issues of the AR (including the letters) have valuable info which exposes the WCG, HWA and Tkach. John Trechak died September 2, 1999. (Note: Please be aware that the AR is now posted on an agnostic/atheist website.)

Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused

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