It was the last day of Unleavened Bread when my pastor found out that I was leaving the next day on my journey--without going through him on it. He ordered me to see him immediately after services. We gathered; there were two local church elders, the pastor and me. It was clearly a confrontation in which he was doing all he could to break me down. I wouldn't budge except I kept posing the question of whether he was ordering me not to go and he wouldn't take it that far. He became very angry against me and created a scene that all in the auditorium could see. There was quite an exchange of words between us, as I explained it was clear to me that he and I had no working relationship. (I have often wondered why he didn't kick me out right then and there.)

Of course, the two local church elders had nothing to say; it was their job to be supportive of the pastor regardless of facts. However, much to my surprise, each one of them later told me they were not in agreement with the pastor on this one. Other members who saw the confrontation let me know they were sympathetic with me even though they did not know what the scene was about. They clearly understood we had an abusive bully as a pastor and they had a sense to know that I was being unfairly picked on.

Although I came away with a fearful heart after that meeting, I am sure I did not allow the pastor to sense that. Since I didn't "bend," he told me that when I returned from my journey we were to get together and that he was going to "straighten me out." He let me know I wasn't going to like it but he was going to "change my ways." I was very heavily stressed and as I came home I did not see how I could go on with the trip I was prepared for. However, my wife said, "I'll tell you like you would tell me. Take the trip. Don't let that stop you."

As a Christian I was very much into prayer about this. It seemed the burden was simply too heavy to bear and I explained that to God and earnestly implored Him to provide me a way through this time of tribulation. The next day, as I was driving to my destination, I was so depressed and stressed that I decided I needed to turn around and return home. I could not see a way to continue with this weight. I continued praying and I believe with all my heart God responded.

Very strongly, the thought came into my mind that I had a great resource in an attorney I knew who could determine the possible legal ramifications of the abuse I was suffering. Equally as strongly, the opposing thought of "we can't do this in God's church" came into my mind. The two conflicting, but valid thoughts, threw me into a bit of mental turmoil. I began asking God for another way. I struggled with this in prayer and attempted to dismiss the thought of getting this attorney involved in what could become a legal matter for the church. The harder I resisted it and the more I prayed the stronger it was impressed into my mind that I should explore the possibility. I accepted the idea and a most profound peace came over me. The world was lifted from my shoulders and I continued my journey in complete peace and had a most enjoyable visit into the remote places I tended to seek out.

To sort of lock it into place I sent this attorney a post card early in the journey and told him I needed his help in getting someone off my back when I returned home. In this way I solidified the fact that somehow something would be done and I had the peace of mind in knowing I had finally taken a step toward self help. This lifted me from the depths of depression. A newfound source of strength results from taking those first steps to fight the problem at hand. In one way or another, nothing was ever going to be the same again and I was very well aware of this.

I did not feel I was likely to get kicked out due to the possibilities of this becoming a legal matter. In the (deacons and elders) meetings we had been in over the past year or so we were being carefully cautioned against anything that could become legal problems for the church. They were clearly taking steps to reduce the number, or likelihood, of things becoming legal problems. We were told not to give anyone any kind of information from any official capacity in the church because of legal comebacks.

There must have been some reason behind all this that we were never allowed to know about. There had clearly become a concern over legal ramifications for the church. About this time I was reading in the WWN [Worldwide News] Mr. Tkach's instructions to the ministry to change their ways and stop acting like sheriffs over us. These things were brought out a number of times in the WWN but the ministry somehow wasn't "getting it."

Several years before this (and before members were told of any doctrinal changes), all ordained personnel and spouses were shown four hours of video by Mr. Carn Catherwood that had been presented to the ministers at their refreshers at HQ in Pasadena. Mr. Catherwood dealt with abuse within the WCG. Since he was reared under an abusive (step?) father, he had experience from which he could seriously deal with the problems. He went into great depth about the abuse going on within church families. He went into sufficient depth about the abusiveness people suffered under the ministry of the church. We came away from these meetings feeling like we had been kicked in the stomach, so powerful and dramatic was his presentations. I thought we were now sure to see a new day within the church. There was a ray of hope within my heart that this would be taken seriously and that changes would certainly come about.

After seeing these presentations, I went to my pastor before we left the meeting place and let him know I and others saw him in what had just been presented. I told him members would come to me and explain that he was simply unapproachable. He immediately rejected the information and told me he was only forthright and some didn't like that. Mr. Catherwood's message had not gotten through and that was most clear to me. Another elder that later moved into our area told me the ministry had totally rejected those presentations, even though that had been given to them at Headquarters and then sent out for all ordained personnel. Truly, they had not self-applied any of it.

With all that in mind, let's come back to my return home from my remote journey. My pastor was still angry and burning with desire to beat me down as he had threatened. I asked him to give me a week; I wasn't ready for it yet. In the meantime, I had a consultation with my attorney, in which he assured me we could get the pastor off my back. He explained to me that I was dealing with a bully and that he was making a very good living getting bullies cut down to size. We just needed to determine which of a number of ways we could go about it. First, he decided to write the pastor a letter in which he would explain, from a legal point of view, where we were and what we would be seeking. On Friday of that week my attorney told me he could get out a good legal letter that day, or if we could wait till Monday, he could put out a better legal letter. Waiting for a better letter was fine with me. I asked my attorney what should be my response to my pastor who was going to demand that weekend that he "have at me." My attorney told me that I could simply inform him that he was going to be receiving a letter from my attorney and that further procedures can wait till he gets notification of my being legally represented.

When the weekend came, my pastor told me we had to get together right away for the work that needed to be done. I then told him a letter from my attorney would be written and sent to him the following week and that things could wait till he received it. The pastor was immediately visibly shaken and shocked at that news. I have never come close to seeing such a rapid transformation from a person feeling he was in complete power to so suddenly shaken as though all power had immediately been abruptly taken from him. The tables had suddenly completely turned. In his desperation he told me, "You cannot win this one." I responded, "OK, let's go for it and see. I have nothing to lose." He then expressed fear that Headquarters would get this information and threatened me with, "It will then be out of our hands." I responded that I had no problem with that because I suspected my attorney would notify HQ of the legal ramifications of the ongoing mistreatment anyway. We would not intend to confine it into any small corner somewhere.

It was at that moment that I saw I had suddenly come into a very powerful position with him and nothing had yet been done. He begged that I call my attorney and stop the letter from coming. I calmly explained that the way he had run over me for so long had come to an end as of "yesterday" and not "tomorrow." I made it very clear it would never again be tolerated to the least extent. He agreed and asked that we get together in the next day or so and discuss it. I responded that I would not meet with him unless my attorney approved of it for me because, as far as I was concerned, it had become a legal matter. I did call my attorney and went over the event with him and with several guideline statements on his part it was agreed I would let the pastor come over early in the week. I was told how to respond if he became abusive and I would then end the meeting and events would take their course.

During that visit, I had never been treated so kindly by a WCG minister during the almost thirty years I spent in it. Since my Spring journeys without his permission had been a serious problem for him, I brought this subject up very early in the visit. I explained that immediately on my return I had visited with my doctor, who was closely monitoring my condition and the doctor advised me to keep something going; to keep planning those trips for the good he believed I was benefiting from them. I told the pastor that if I was able to go the next year and the next until whenever, I planned to continue going on those trips. He agreed there would be no problem with any of that. He agreed there would be no more of the activity I had seen as abusive. I wasn't held to anything. Nothing was demanded of me, only the request that nothing be done to let Headquarters know about my attorney being involved in the matter. He really had obvious fear of HQ getting anything about this. I, in turn, promised if it was a new day, a new way of dealing with me, there would be no letter from the attorney and nothing further would be said or reported.

For the next few years that the same pastor was in my church I was actually treated with an air of respect. He never mistreated me again. We actually came to work well together after that.

Finally, he was transferred away and another abusive pastor was sent here. He started in on me. By that time I had prepared a large package backed up by statements from my doctor and my therapist with their findings of the sources of serious problems for me and I sent it to Headquarters. I told this pastor I was going to write them about the mistreatment and he responded that it wouldn't make any difference; they would only send my correspondence to him to handle in any way he wished. It didn't work the way he told me. I knew that was the old way, but I had a solid case here that I knew their legal department could not overlook. Mr. Joseph Tkach, Director of Church Administration, wrote me in thanks for letting him know this was still going on out here and promised it would be handled directly with this pastor. I was never bothered again. This pastor didn't talk to me for a long time; he actually avoided me and would say nothing to me until he had apparently decided to break off and pastor a breakaway UCG [United Church of God] congregation locally and he needed a following. He then suddenly became friendly. He left with the major doctrinal changes announced in 1995.

Our next pastor, who is still in the local congregation of WCG never spoke with me for a long time. It was obvious to me he had gotten word from somewhere about what happened. Finally I wrote him a letter inquiring about his silent treatment of me and I offered my services as part of the congregation he was pastoring. He then slowly warmed up to me and we finally got along well. He even brought up a question about my past in the church, but I would not discuss it with him. There was no pressure and I was left alone. Several times during my last year there he invited me back onto the speaking list. However, I just did not feel I could do any speaking for Worldwide Church of God.

What I have shown here is that my attorney put me into a very powerful position by educating me and providing me documentation which showed he fully believed my church was heavily into abusing me. This completely solved the problem of my being the object of abuse, at least until another replacement abusive pastor was sent here. The next one I handled on my own, but I knew Headquarters had become quite wary of being given legal problems to deal with and I had ample evidence no legal department could afford to ignore. I was never bothered again.

By Walter (Former member of WCG)
December 23, 2002

NOTE from ESN: 
It is well known that spiritual and emotional abuse was continuing in WCG during their doctrinal changes (especially in congregations in Canada). The ministers and elders that didn't leave were (for the most part) never "deprogrammed" from the abusive mind control methods that they were trained in. Specialists on cults and abuse were never called in to oversee the "healing sessions," and members were not shown by HQ the abusive cult methods of thought reform that had been used on them. Could this be what WCG wanted? One of the key things survivors can do to further their healing is to learn how to become empowered. They no longer need to feel helpless, fearful and guilty.

Articles on Understanding Mind Control and Exploitive Groups

Research Information on Worldwide Church of God (history revision and exposé articles)

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