My confusion began little by little as I tried to figure out what was going on with the Worldwide Church of God. I couldn't understand why The Worldwide News would change things that we previously believed in as "truth." I asked myself, "How do we know if they're not correct? How correct does a church have to be? How important is it really? Does God work through any church that believes in Christ and tries to obey Him and show love? What do some of the changes really mean?" Then through a myriad set of circumstances, I stepped out and read "outside" material. Shockingly, I found out that since 1993 there had been over 150 doctrinal changes! Although I had no problem with most of them, it still made me very disappointed that everything we were taught all those years by Mr. Armstrong was now considered "in error" and being scrapped.

After the disappointment, came confusion and the knowledge that I had actually been in a "cult" and under lies. It felt like everything had been ripped out of my life. The former purpose I felt God had for "His Church" and my life was destroyed. I didn't even know what I believed anymore. Why did God allow me to believe a lie? I even wondered if I might be under some kind of curse for doubting and questioning anything. After all, they told us God was revealing the changes. He is in charge. The WCG had drummed it into our heads that to think these kinds thoughts was to be "led astray by Satan." Questions that came into my mind were: "Will I end up falling away from God's truth1 and lose my eternal life? How could a church change so much due to being so wrong in the past, and then tell us that we were just "growing in understanding?" 

I soon became angry with Tkach Sr. and his lies and how he was making the members think they were just "getting rid of a few errors." Looking back, I could remember him mentioning in a sermon that he didn't like our church being called "a cult."2 Could he and his son have been working on having that image erased? I began to wonder what in the world had been going on in this church, and that maybe we needed to wake up to the fact that it had been a cult--and was it still one?

Fear:

I couldn't believe I was thinking the way I was! They drummed it through our heads for years that to think any other way than what we were taught was to start being "led astray by Satan." I sometimes wondered if that was really happening. Was I just being led astray and forsaking "the truth" and was I going to end up losing out on eternal life like they had told us? Had I just gone off the deep end and fallen away from God's truth and God's ministers? If that was true, then how could a church change so much and be so wrong in the past? Yet they told us we were just "growing in understanding."

I fearfully considered what others in the church would think if they knew that I was reading "outside material" and thinking like I was. They probably would think that I had fast become a "dissenter"--if I wasn't one already. I used to be one that would listen and do whatever the church said, and I believed every word that came down from the ministers as being "straight from God." After all, this was the way they taught us to believe. 

Waking up:

I began to realize how unbelievable it was that most members were still blinded by all the changes and were accepting everything they heard. They still thought that "God's church was always changing and always will." Didn't they realize Mr. Armstrong's books were all being revised? When would the top ministers reveal they no longer were sure we're the "only true church"? Who was deceiving whom? Many people didn't even realize all the beliefs and booklets they had shelved, especially in that last year. Did they really swallow what they had told us--that we were growing in understanding and recognizing we had "some errors," and that God was "leading Mr. Tkach to do the changes"?

All of this destroyed the former purpose that I felt God had for His church and my life. I didn't feel as close to Him anymore and wondered where in the world He had been all those years if not in the WCG?3 I went on trying to pray, realizing somehow that the Bible says He's love and we can trust Him, but I didn't even know what I believed anymore. Life seemed to have lost its former joy. I wondered if somehow I might be under some kind of curse for doubting or questioning anything with this church. After all, they told us "God is revealing the changes. He is in charge."

All the time I had been in I thought I was obeying God. I thought I was doing what He wanted me to do. I thought Mr. Armstrong was "chosen by God" and all these other churches were wrong. I thought that Jesus Christ was returning soon. I thought I had found true happiness and "the true church." And all the time God was out there with those other churches and other Christians and working with them.

I knew that exiting would mean turning my back on what I had considered "family" all those years. I knew it would turn my world upside down and create much pain. If I left, I would also have to face humiliation for being wrong. 

Where Was God?

It would have helped to talk to someone who felt the same way, but if the minister had found out I was discussing it with another member, he would have told us we shouldn't be discussing those things and causing "division." It felt like everything had been ripped out of my life. I didn't want to always feel this pain and confusion but I didn't know if anyone even really cared.

As I began to uncover more and more of the true story about the Worldwide Church of God, I asked myself where was God all those years? Why did He allow me to believe a lie? I shed many tears and every time I thought of what I knew, I felt sick, angry, sad and betrayed. It felt like my life was falling apart.

Decision to Leave:

I knew I only had two choices: I could either stay and in "ten to fifteen years" this church would be no different than most other Protestant churches.4 Or I could choose to abide by my convictions and drop out the WCG, knowing it was never what I thought it was, and realizing it would result in pain and stress from being torn away from everyone and everything I'd known: no social life, not knowing where to go and how to feel and, of course, being shunned by all my former church friends, as I would no longer be part of their organization.

Finally I made the decision to leave. It was the hardest move I'd ever made, but I felt a sense of relief. Before I left I had found the ESN and made contact with others who had left. Without their support, it would have been more than the nightmare it was. I wasn't responsible for what the leaders were doing and had done. All those years God knew that and He was with me. 

By D. W.
Exit & Support Network™
1995

"What loneliness is more lonely than mistrust?"
 ~ George Eliot

Updated Footnotes:

1 By the use of mind control, WCG took God away from members, and replaced Him with themselves (the "government"). This is why we can feel we "lose God" upon exiting.

2 Falling away" (or "falling away from God's Truth") is a scare tactic used by many cults (Communists use it also). However, these words as defined by the Bible, refer to falling away from God, not falling away from an organization that purports to be "God's one true Church."

3 This comment (and similar ones) were heard in various WCG sermons to the members in 1993. (Read: Research Letters Concerning WCG Changes)

4 Today (2005) the WCG has indeed become "like other Protestant churches." They are not only a member of the NAE but are involved with new evangelicals and the Charismatic movement. Read: Worldwide Church of God: New Changes, Ecumenical & New Age Connections. However, they still are ambivalent on several of HWA's doctrines. Read: Is Worldwide Church of God Still Holding on to Some of Herbert W. Armstrong's Doctrines?

NOTE: Ted Haggard was former president of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) which represents almost 50,000 churches in America. During this time, there were a number of serious concerns regarding him, including his spiritual manipulation, hypocrisy, and promoting the agenda of C. Peter Wagner. On Nov. 4, 2006 Haggard resigned as president of the NAE and was dismissed as senior pastor of the 14,000 member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, CO as a result of sexually immoral behavior. (Read: Will we ever know the truth about Haggard's double life? and Letter to NAE and other concerned Christians.)

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