While headquarters and Armstrong's ministers continually mouthed the words "love," members were unknowingly lifting the organization up before the love of one another--especially our own families outside the group. True love is not being obedient to rules and rituals or to a "government of God" that tears families apart. It is not believing that one man and one church has all the answers. It is about being free enough to make our own choice to love. It is loving those who need our love--even if they aren't doing everything the authority says. It's about regaining our own mind. When we learn that, it can be a turning point, often leading us out of the organization.

After we left the group (or were thrown out), we carried much with us. We not only felt pain, but anger, confusion, shame, guilt, fear, humiliation, loss and depression.2 We didn't know what was wrong with us, but we thought it had to be us and not them. We couldn't start recovering until we came to understand what we had been a part of (never a "church,"3 but an exploitive, deceptive group), and how they did what they did to us (manipulated our minds for their own greed. Few of us had someone to listen to us at that time, to believe what had happened to us, to support us and help us learn how not to carry the pain the rest of our life. To find a patient, experienced counselor who understands trauma and controlling, exploitive religious groups, and who will help us work through the abuses and losses, can be a God-send. Regardless, we must read and learn, if even on our own, about the history of the group, and how the leaders did what they did to us, and the effect it had. [See WCG Research Articles] We cannot just "forget about it" and put the experience out of our minds--especially if we spent years in the group. Those who tell us we need to "move forward and forget the past" or "get involved in another church," are greatly lacking in an understanding of what cult survivors (which, in many cases, have a profile similar to sexually abused victims) go through. Trying to bury the past can cause various symptoms to resurface in other ways. [See Where Do the Feelings Go? (covers processing painful thoughts)] 

Although we still need relationships after exiting, we must re-learn how to have boundaries and to let only those people into our lives that are good for us and who will not make us feel worse, or try to control us. Even though it usually takes years to get over this type of exploitation and betrayal (some do it in a shorter period of time; some take longer), we can feel better someday. Many of us spent many years in Armstrong's prison, suffering many forms of abuse and have endured massive losses--some which can never be replaced. Naturally, it takes time to move through all that, along with working on removing the programming which they put into our minds. One important thing to realize is that we each were born unique and have individual talents, gifts and interests of our own, and that part of us is still there. In spite of what HWA and his ministers told us, it is important how we feel and what we think. We can become stronger and more independent.

To be betrayed spiritually is about as evil a thing as anything one can ever experience. HWA's "god"  was a false god that never existed, except in our minds, and all who continue to teach this "god" are continuing the same deceit. We live in an evil world today and many evil things have been done, often in the name of some "god." True biblical Christianity, with a simple faith in the true Jesus, has nothing whatsoever to do with "religion" which has always existed--and in many cases destroyed others. Religion is a cloak that men put on and which they use to control others. [See The Difference Between Religion and Salvation] Until we understand this, we will not be able to undo the counterfeit god that we were taught by HWA and his ministers and begin to heal emotionally and spiritually.  

While we cannot stop the cults, we can know that neither Herbert Armstrong, nor any of his ministers, have to succeed in destroying our minds, or keeping us bound in angry, despondent chains for the rest of our lives. We are free now. This does not mean that we will never have any problems, nor does it mean we will not have scars. Wounds heal, scars remain, and life will always present problems and challenges and growth. But the WCG cult--and any offshoot that fits the bill--does not have control over our lives anymore. There is no more headquarters, no more minister telling us he is "speaking for God" and telling us what we need to do. They have absolutely no power over us unless we give them power. The true Jesus can set us free. In Him we are accepted in the Beloved and secure forever. [See: My Position in Christ] Only He can comfort us and heal us, because only He knows exactly how we feel. How rewarding it can be to see that others can recover--indeed have recovered--and are making new and happier lives for themselves and their families. 

By D. W.
Exit & Support Network™
2003

Also read: How to Recover After Exiting a Deceptive, Abusive Group

Footnotes:

1 Refer to the book, Snapping: America's Epidemic of Sudden Personality Change by Flo Conway & Jim Siegelman.

2 These feelings are the result of the mind control that WCG survivors endured.

3 WCG became known as destructive religious cult, especially beginning in the 1970's.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4: 7

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