I suffered with so many things when I was in the Worldwide Church of God--suffering that only seemed to multiply as the years passed. Others on the outside would say it was needless suffering, due to believing the wrong things about God...but suffering it was, nevertheless.

I was told by an elder once that I was going to have to suffer because I was "married to the person I was--a person that wasn't obeying God's laws." Yet my husband had previously tried to help and love his family and to follow God more than anyone I knew.

I can wonder if God had just given up on me back when I first heard Herbert W. Armstrong. He allowed me to be deceived, even when I had prayed to know the truth. Then all those years--more than 20--I believed certain things were important to God and I wanted to do them. I prayed diligently and I was faithful in everything. I believed with all my heart I was in His true church and was a part of His end time Work. What happened to all of that now? How can I even know He really loves me? I don't know who He is anymore. You feel like you were one of the rejects--cast off long ago.

It was such an intense experience in there that it just about saps everything out of you when you find out it was false. We were exploited financially, while we were told we would be "blessed." We were made to keep impossible standards, while we were told we would have "happy homes." We were told if we walked in His ways, we would have the "fruits of the Spirit." We were told to endure, submit and we would "build character." We were to "stand firm unto death" when we would be tested in the future.

This is why you feel you lose God when you come out of there. He's not the God you thought He was. You knew Him in the confines of the WCG. Then you doubt whether you had any relationship with Him at all; whether it was just your imagination. Did He ever really care? Or did it not really matter to Him after all?

Other Christians go through their life talking about their sufferings and how much stronger they are, and it all seems to have a purpose in their life, molding them and making them more like Christ. But when they talk about what they have been through and how much stronger spiritually they are, I can't even relate to what they're saying. Their suffering seemed to produce something lasting in them. Mine seems to have been all in vain. Their suffering cannot compare to ours, and they cannot understand. Their suffering had a purpose. Did ours?

By D. W.
January 22, 1996
Exit & Support Network™

UPDATES:

Our sufferings can be used to draw us closer to the true Christ. They don't have to be in vain. No matter the circumstances, He will always be with us. It is He that can heal our emotions and give us peace. (January 2004)

"He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater, He sendeth more strength when the labors increase." Read the full poem: He Giveth More.

It's Hard to Get to Get Close to God After Philadelphia Church of God (can also speak to survivors of WCG)

Healing Through Grief (Healing from grief, trauma and loss; includes personal stories by survivors of Armstrongism)

"The God of All Comfort," by the late J. Vernon McGee is one that ESN recommends. It may be ordered from Thru the Bible Radio Network. 

Books: Spiritual Comfort/Inspiration

Articles For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused 

Back to Abuses Suffered

Index for Personal Writings About the WCG Experience