I was baptized into the
Worldwide
Church of God
in 1972. I came from a
abusive, military home where nothing short of
perfection would do. Needless to say, my father a
Major in the Special Forces had learned mind control
and mental as well as physical abuse very well.
I knew that I hated the way I was reared, but soon
fell prey to another form of abuse through the WCG. Even now I feel a sense of guilt speaking out. I had
had an uncle who was in this group and had heard much
about it since childhood, my mother read the
literature, so it was not really a new thing to me.
I am from West Virginia, but was living with my husband (a
Catholic), and my two children in New York City when I first
started seriously reading the booklets. I guess that I
needed something to make me feel special after all of
the abuse from my parents.
Even as I write this I realize how deeply the
teachings of HWA are imbedded in my mind. Though the
ministers said we were "special," I always felt like a
total scum-bag, and the truth will set you free...not
their truth. I always felt like I wasn't good enough.
My husband and I divorced for the most part over my
insistence on attending Sabbath services, so there I
was on my own with two small children. That was OK
they said, "God took an unholy man out of my
life"--never mentioning that my children lost their
father. What a putz I was.
I kept going back to WCG thinking all the time, I can't live like
this! But I was afraid of the torment that
would surely follow if I didn't. The FOT has just past
and I didn't go--shame on me. But as usual, I beat up
on myself something awful.
A friend (?) called last night and wanted to know why I
wasn't at the Feast, and I screamed in his ear,
"I
hate the sing-song dull music, and the boring
services! I can't do it anymore!"' He will probably
never call again (I hope not), or any of them for
that matter.
I just need to get my life back on track and the echo
of HWA's voice out of my head. I am not a stupid
person, but feel very violated by the WCG and angry
with myself for being so taken in.
I just hope that a loving and merciful God will
forgive me for my ignorance, and for telling others
wrong things.
By Karen
October 27,
2005
Note From ESN: Those in WCG
were taught to blame themselves instead of holding the perpetrators
responsible. God through Jesus has already forgiven all our sins.
See the following on our site:
How can intelligent
people become deceived?
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