We felt the ministers and elders in the Worldwide Church of God had lots of wisdom from God and would always give the inspired answer. At the same time, we feared their correction, so most of us made sure we were doing everything right and looking happy. However, you could still be corrected for not getting over depression, anger, hurt, etc. We were taught to examine ourselves, yet we were never allowed to express negative emotions that were considered sinful, without being admonished for it. The ministers and elders were there to tell you what to do and they always had the answer--in a sermon, booklet, article, or the Bible. There wasn't much room for empathizing with our sins. They treated us as children and they were our parents. In fact, Herbert W. Armstrong said he was our "father."

If you did carry on a conversation with any of the ministers and elders at church, it was usually on a spiritual topic, something that could be related to the church, or else a positive subject. We used to feel that they had an inside link to God. I also thought that they were humble because they talked a lot about "humility" in their sermons. If you had a disagreement, you could go to them and they would explain it to you so you would see it from their standpoint and therefore from the "Bible's standpoint." But you could never write the minister a letter telling him what you didn't like about him. You stood the chance of being disfellowshipped or severely admonished. They were beyond correction and answerable "only to God."

Since they weren't professional counselors, they never affirmed you as an individual, or built you up. They gave you "advice." Outside of the counseling, it was never proper to talk to them for very long, unless you were in their close circle of friends. However, you considered it great to receive even a smile and a greeting from them.

It was so common to have our self-worth plummet because of an insensitive minister. Many people even later hesitated to ask questions, or even to counsel because they knew no one could measure up to their standards. It makes me sad to remember the times my husband I trusted our ministers and looked to them and the elders for help--and how fleeting it was. It eventually causes one to find it hard to believe that anyone could really care, is really sincere, or can really be trusted. How they treated members and their families, without a word of apology,1 is hard to understand and leaves a painful mark in our lives.

By D. W.
Exit & Support Network™

Footnote:

1 Read this part on our site which covers some of headquarters' lame "apologies."

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