The more I listened, the more I thought he made sense. I was soon devouring the free literature he sent me. Where before I had not read my Bible because I couldn’t understand the language, now I was using Strong’s Concordance and reading my Bible hours every day.

With the help of this teacher’s many booklets; Bible study courses, and "new revelations," I thought I could finally understand the Bible. Using a series of proof texts and a mixture of the Old and New Covenants, he convinced me that I should be keeping the Sabbath (Saturday) and the feast days of Leviticus 23.

I was still attending my church while I was searching and evaluating these "new truths." But when I asked my pastor about some of them, he couldn’t answer my questions.

I soon lost all trust in the doctrines and practices of any traditional, orthodox church. If they were wrong in this area, I reasoned, they are probably wrong in all the others, too. My new leader talked constantly about how all churches had "sold out to Satan and compromised the truth." Because they worshipped on Sunday (the "day of the sun god"), he even called them "Satan’s churches."

Once I began doubting the doctrines I had grown up believing (but not proving), my shaky foundation crumbled. I was open to everything my spiritual leader showed me "from the Bible." I left my church and joined my leader’s church [the Worldwide Church of God].

I was convinced it was "God’s True Church" and that all others had left the true gospel and gone into apostasy. I believed God had called Herbert W. Armstrong to "restore true Christianity," and I wanted to be a part of this mission.

My husband and I lived every part of our lives according to the dictates of this church. To think for ourselves or to question anything would be to rebel against God, and that would result in expulsion from the group. In our thinking, this would mean separation from God.

One reason former members seldom return to orthodox churches is that the group’s mindset, lifestyle, and doctrines are too ingrained. If they leave because they can’t afford the required amount of giving, because they are disillusioned over the leader’s lifestyle, or for any reason other than doctrine, they will likely continue in its beliefs, even following a new leader in an offshoot Armstrong group who teaches similar doctrines, but has gone further into error. Unfortunately, this is a typical pattern. They often look for another spiritual leader and become involved in another cult.

I’ve learned the hard way that there is no human being on earth who will not disappoint me. The advice my leaders gave me often damaged lives and relationships. One local pastor I respected became an alcoholic; another ended his wife’s attempted divorce by killing her, then himself. I discovered that other trusted leaders were committing adultery.

Leaving what I believed was the "true church" left me without spiritual direction and leadership, so I continued to look to human leaders for the "new truths," formula, and methods that would bring me the "something more" I was seeking. I followed several more leaders whose lifestyles, teachings, and promises left me confused and empty. The "name it and claim it," "signs and wonders" emphasis on experiences and emotions disappointed me and failed to satisfy my spiritual hunger. It as only when I realized that Jesus Christ is the only leader worthy of my total trust and obedience that I quit following men. When my foundations were built on men instead of Christ, they collapsed.

Another reason hurting ex-cultists don’t return to an orthodox church is that they have been prejudiced against them. Cults were founded as a protest against established churches. Ex-cultists need help to overcome this prejudice. They don’t return because they are hurt and angry at God; religion and "his spokesman" have let them down. They did what they thought God wanted--and fell flat. No more religion for them! Several of my family and friends feel this way. They want no more of the bonds and pressure they have gone through. Former members often feel that they have pursued every avenue to God and his help--without success. Is it any wonder if they are angry and disillusioned? Furthermore, former members often think the orthodox church has nothing to offer. Most of them have already been that route. Their churches failed to provide the answers they sought. Pious platitudes and meaningless sentiment don’t put a crumbling marriage back together or help deal with fears, stress, or depression.

Many that leave cults become humanists. Others have started or joined small groups with a particular doctrinal emphasis, such as prophecy. Still others are pursuing intellectual knowledge. Most are turned off to religion. It’s rare to read of any exiter going back to an orthodox church or finding Christ as Savior. I’m one of the fortunate few, but my road back was full of potholes and detours. Some were of my own making, or were the result of the cult’s doctrines. But others were caused by the orthodox church’s failure to understand my needs and background.

We left because of doctrine. As typical members, we were close-minded and exclusive--cut off from contact with Christians. Yet my husband’s Christian aunt was praying for us. As a result, the Holy Spirit opened our minds and we began to question church teaching. When we began to have doubts, we threw away all the literature and read only the Bible.

It wasn’t easy to find our way out of the web of confusion. We were filled with guilt and afraid that God would punish us for questioning his "apostle" and his church. But God’s Spirit eventually led us to freedom and truth. After months of intensive research, we realized the errors of our views.

When we finally began searching for an orthodox church, we were looking for a perfect church--one with perfect doctrines, leaders, and members. And we were looking for a church with the same zeal and purpose we had found in Armstrongism. When we finally realized that all of us are far from perfect, it helped us be more tolerant. Unlike the group salvation concept that I’d held before, I now know that my relationship with Christ was personal and individual. It was with great freedom that I realized I didn’t need to conform to the "group" and its standards to be saved. But still our goal was a church where people live what they preach.

The church that can minister to a former member of Armstrong’s groups is one that’s committed to biblical accuracy and sound, basic doctrines. It is also warm and friendly, with small groups that build friendships and meet needs. It teaches how to relate Christ’s message to everyday life. The people are, for the most part, committed to living for Christ and growing more like him; they don’t put on false fronts of piety. This church doesn’t cling to traditions, or have a strong denominational emphasis. Status with Christ is more important than membership requirements. There are no demands or other guilt-producing methods used to extract money (an area in which most former members have been exploited). This church is zealous for wining the lost. Ideally, it offers a class on cults that teaches how to evaluate truth and error. This not only helps a former member, but also prevents others from falling into cults. We have been fortunate to find just such a church, where we are happy worshipping and serving our "new leader," Jesus Christ.

By Lois (originally printed in Moody/November 1987; title has been changed)

Also read: Why is it hard for me to attend a mainstream church? (from our Q&A)