I thought that if I attended another church--a Christ-centered church, a grace-filled church--that I would receive emotional and spiritual healing. But no one understood how someone from a "cult" really feels. What I thought would be a restoring experience turned out to be a realization that they did not think I was in need of their time or attention.

There have been phone calls that were promised that never came, interest in me that later waned, and get-togethers that never transpired. Everyone was having such a good time and being so positive that they never imagined anything to the contrary with me.

The ones that were the friendliest were ones where Christ and His love were in their lives. But even they lacked understanding that an ex-cultist could have so many problems now that they were out and attending a church. After all, I didn't show any signs of "a physical disease," "a financial reversal", "a death in the family," or going through any number of "acceptable" tragedies or struggles that cause other Christians to rush to your side.

It causes you to doubt the veracity of what you're feeling--the vague, empty sense of despair and alienation that no one else can acknowledge, let alone comprehend. But you do feel it, and what makes it worse is that no one in another church wants to admit it.

By Karina
Exit & Support Network™
1995

Poems/Free Verse/Comfort in Music

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