At first it is very uncomfortable attending on a Sunday and knowing these people are not of the Worldwide Church of God. It doesn't take long to realize that they are not coming up and introducing themselves to everyone like we did in the WCG.

One thing you find out is that it's so humiliating to come out of the WCG cult and know that other people have heard of it and know that the teachings were wrong, and to not know if they are going to accept you, or have mercy on you, or if you will even fit in with them at their church. One fear is that you might say the wrong thing and use terminology familiar to the WCG.

You still have many other fears that you learned while in the WCG that surface when you are attending a new church. You can feel that maybe you are really stupid after all and that you are just fooling yourself when you think you can do anything. The WCG treated us as robots and never performing enough, so it is so hard to join anything new and sometimes you wonder why you are even attempting it. But yet you want so much to find someone--anyone--that will listen to your story and give you comfort and understanding.

So many verses at your new church can remind you of the way HWA and the WCG ministers used them. As you struggle with your memories, fears and desires, the old feelings can come back of how the WCG leadership can be so sincere sounding and coming across as so loving in their letters, but then they can come down suddenly with their authority, control, and lack of mercy if you dare get out of line. You start to feel afraid that the ministers at your new church are going to do this also.

You feel like the only kind of person that would really help you at your new church would be someone really kind and understanding of your situation, or someone that had came out of a cult or very controlling church. It's very hard not having someone to talk and laugh with at church on a regular basis like you used to, someone that you feel that you know and feel comfortable with.

You can later end up feeling that you want to run away from these churches as far as you can go, because you find out that you really can't handle any kind of getting involved in anything. The very thought of it makes you sick.

Are there good incidents sometimes? Yes. Perhaps a kind, gracious minister who will read your letters and respond to you with as much understanding as he knows how; a beautiful, special prayer meeting for ill or hurting people; a few caring Christians that try to make you feel welcome.

By Karina
Exit & Support Network™
1994

Poems/Free Verse/Comfort in Music

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