Do you know what it feels like at my new church a lot of times? In my mind, I am subconsciously still associating going to it with going to the Worldwide Church of God services. But since everyone was so friendly and talkative in the WCG (and you knew almost all of them), when I am at my new church, it is almost like something horrible has happened and the people have changed. It is like I am in the "Twilight Zone" and I don't know how to get it to change. You can't find anyone to talk to that knows you well or that wants to get to know you well, and if you are depressed, the situation is ten times worse and you just want to get out of there! The people aren't staying after services and fellowshipping and shaking hands. They have to be told to do it by the pastor! (When he mentions it after his sermon, the people will automatically respond by their seats for a brief shake, introduction, and then usually head on their way out the door.)

Even in my class where I know some people fairly well, not everyone knows everyone and they aren't all that interested in getting to know those outside their circle. It is almost like the ones in class haven't caught up to knowing how to be like the WCG people are. There's such a lack of knowing how to motivate others, and although there is talk from the head ones of trying to get everyone to know each other better, I don't know if it would be all that good, as the class could become so involved in each other's lives that we would begin to wonder what's wrong when someone didn't show up for a class, duty, or activity. I wouldn't want that kind of pressure put on me anymore! I guess I want to be freer and not controlled by a group of people.

Yet at the same time, I miss the closeness and not being able to talk to more people for a longer period of time. I could spend 1/2 hour talking to one person in the WCG, or many people for shorter periods of time within the hour before and after services. On holy days there was even more time than that, and there were many people that were willing to come up and be friendly with you. It could cause you to come away feeling fulfilled as far as relating to other people.

It can seem such an effort now to try to get to know the others in my class. In the WCG we at least seemed to have things in common to talk about--an upcoming activity, trials, or just the feeling of having known each other for so long and having visited in each other's homes. We felt much more of a family because of this and we wanted to get to know the others. Many of us were concerned when someone was hurt or ill, just like we would be with our own family members.

Now I don't even know what the people in my class really want to talk about half the time. It seems to be such a struggle sometimes to carry on a conversation with some of them, especially when they are doing different things and involved in different activities. Things seem so distant. They also don't show an interest in you as someone in the WCG would. Sometimes I have felt I wanted to at least be interested in them--and I have attempted it, but at other times it can be so discouraging that I want to give it up altogether and not even go to church.

It's like the other people at my new church are floating on their own little island and you can't reach them to get to know them, and they don't seem to know how to get to you because they have never been taught! It creates such a feeling of grief, despair, and isolation that the words are indescribable.

By Karina
Exit & Support Network™
1994

Poems/Free Verse/Comfort in Music

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