Unfortunately, innocent people are often recruited into high demand groups during a vulnerable time in their lives and come under the group's mind control (or psychological manipulation). You feel you don't even know your loved one anymore and that it's impossible to reach them rationally. They have, most likely, become a religious addict. Let's first try to understand exactly what has happened.

We Must Understand How Controlled People in PCG Are (written by a former PCG member)

Loyalty and Love Transferred to the Group:

As a result of the group's use of sophisticated mind control techniques, a pseudo-identity or personality is formed that suppresses your loved one's authentic self and causes them to surrender control. Their loyalty and love for family and God are transferred to the group and group leader and they become very dependent on the group. Due to the group's deceptive methods, and the darkness of spiritual deception, they strongly believe that they are obeying God and his "government," when in reality they are only obeying the leader. They won't admit that this has happened, because in their minds they believe they have found "God's one true Church" with revelations given to "God's Elijah," "God's Prophet," "God's Apostle," etc. 

No Critical Thinking Allowed:

The group allows no criticism, doubt, or critical thinking and thought-stopping techniques are utilized by the member to keep such from occurring. If you try to engage them in a discussion about the group, they will repeat everything the leader has told them via sermons, tapes, booklets, literature or videos, because their critical thinking processes have been shut down and cannot reason intellectually. They have been deceived by the group's leader to believe that they are "the elect" and the outside world does not understand "God's Truth." As a result, they are instructed to keep all their literature and tapes a secret from non-members, even going so far as to hide it from unconverted mates.   

Information Control:

Another reason it is hard to get your loved one to listen is because of the group's "information control." He/she has been taught not to think. They look upon all literature and information that is critical or informative of their group as lies or slander. To them it is "Satan trying to get hold of their mind" or "Satan persecuting God's true church." Therefore, they refuse to look at any of it or listen to it unless their mind begins to open and they have questions. 

This offsite article explains information control.

Support Received From the Group:

It is also important to realize that your loved one will be getting support, sympathy and "love" from the ministers and group members every time they attend services. They will tell the member that they are going through this "trial" with you because of knowing "the truth." The more you try to convince them otherwise, the stronger they become in believing they are right and you are merely being "used of Satan." Realize your loved one was a target and the leader has deceived and exploited them without their informed consent. 

Deceptive groups will do everything possible to create division in order to retain the member. If your loved one has just started reading the group's literature, or listening to the radio or TV program, you have more of a chance to help them understand the true motives of the group. You also have more of a chance if they have questions. If they are already a member, or attending on a regular basis, their critical thinking skills have been shut down. 

What to Do:

Educate yourself as much as possible, not only on the group, but on exploitive religious groups and mind control. Read books such as: Releasing the Bonds; Captive Hearts, Captive Minds and Cults in Our Midst. See our Booklist for more titles, along with articles under Understanding Mind Control and Exploitive Groups)

Pray for wisdom before every encounter

Remember that it is always easier to approach them while they are in conflict

Stay calm, patient and respectful

Built rapport and trust

Be an active listener

Have a curious, yet concerned attitude

Demonstrate unconditional love (real love is stronger than the group's love)

Help the member get in touch with his authentic self (before he was recruited) 

Periodically bring up prior, fond personal or family memories (this re-stimulates memory)

Find out if they have unanswered questions about their group

Understand how they will reinterpret certain Scriptures

Try to get them engaged with you in researching the group objectively

 Plant seeds of doubt

 Learn to awaken the member to the control of the group over their life

 Keep in personal contact with the member (cards, letters, phone calls, etc.) 

 Know why you believe what you do (be able to share your own personal assurance of salvation)

 Help them to know that God will deal with them individually and directly; encourage them to pray themselves and study their Bible themselves.

 Pray that the spiritual strongholds will be broken and that their eyes will be opened to the deception they are under

  Seek out others who understand cults and/or spiritually abusive churches and who will pray with you and support you 

 Welcome the family member back into your home if they leave the group

What Not to Do:

Don't tell them they are in a "cult" or are being "mind-controlled"

Don't refer to their ministers as "cult leaders" or "false prophets," etc.

Don't suggest that the members of the group aren't Christians

Don't do anything critical of the group

Don't argue the Bible or act judgmental 

Don't push them into a defensive corner

Don't become angry and/or emotional

 Don't underestimate the control that the group has over them

Don't blame yourself

Don't neglect the rest of your family or your own health

So much fear has been implanted into members by the literature and sermons that they can become paranoid or phobic if they feel they might lose the Holy Spirit, or be cast into the Lake of Fire, or go through the Great Tribulation by leaving or being disfellowshipped. Members are convinced that they have "proved" everything they have come to believe and want to do whatever it takes to "obey God" as they see it. If you are negative, argue or try to prove your case or become emotional and overreact, they will see you as being "against God" and you quickly become the "enemy." To their minds they believe that if anyone criticizes the founder of their group it is the same as criticizing Jesus Christ. 

Although it can be very discouraging and depressing to have a loved one in these groups, don't ever give up. You are involved in a strong spiritual battle and it could take much time for their mind to be set free from the lies and deception. However, there is always hope. There are former members today who are free of these controlling groups today for the simple reason that someone continued praying and interceding for them and exercising love and patience. 

By D. W.
Exit & Support Network™

Read: Loved Ones Finally Out of PCG! (letter to ESN encouraging others to persevere and not to give up hope)

Questions about Members (includes, "How do I help a friend or loved one to leave?)

Opening the Closed Mind (directed at Jehovah's Witnesses, but contains questions that can help any member of deceptive groups to think) [offsite link]

How do I help someone to recover? (if they leave the group)

Back to Articles on Philadelphia Church of God

Back to Articles on Understanding Mind Control and Exploitive Groups

Return to top