I remember a lady in WCG whose husband was a member and who committed suicide at home while she was attending Sabbath services. He left a note to his boss and his daughter, and that was it. The wife came back to services next week not even acting like she had just lost a husband. She was her same laughy, jokey self. Others commented on how she certainly was a "strong woman."

When my mother died, I guess I did almost the same thing. After all, the WCG was my "family" and relatives were only ones that were "deceived." After she died, I looked forward to seeing her again in the "100-year period" (not realizing there is no such thing), and I cried a few tears at the funeral and again by myself afterwards. Then I was seemingly "over it." The day she died my friend in WCG even told me that I seemed to be taking it so well.

All this has to do with mind control and the hypnosis that was used on us and the way they taught us to cancel out any thoughts in our mind which we had learned shouldn't be there. Forget the past. It works pretty good--until we exit the group.

After I exited WCG and it finally hit me, I must have grieved for a long time over my mother's death. I remember walking back in the woods one time for almost two hours, where no one else was, wearing her jacket, and talking to her about everything, while I cried over every last thing I had lost. Those were all emotions that were stuck down inside at the time she had died and which I thought I was handling so well.

WCG, PCG, and all the other similar offshoots, have caused so much suffering that it is nearly impossible to comprehend all of it. It is only afterwards that we keenly feel how it all has affected us personally. When my dad died, I had been out of the WCG for two months. Thank God, I was able to spend a good last year with him, restoring the lost relationship I previously had. This probably came about because I was in counseling at the time for other issues and I received a lot of insights. My dad and I never were real close--I think I could only count about two times on one hand where he ever gave me any encouragement--but at least my emotions toward him changed that last year and I was able to accept him as he was, go over to his house, and enjoy the love he was trying to give. I'm glad he saw I had left the WCG. He never hung it over my head either. My dad died just one month after he found out he had cancer. I'm glad I told him I loved him--one week before he died.

We exiters can experience a very deep grief when we fail to draw close to the ones that should matter the most--our own families. The times of closeness we could have had with them we forfeited because of a pseudo family that we gave our time and our life to. The Worldwide Church of God, Philadelphia Church of God, Living Church of God, Restored Church of God, and similar ones, can never be our true families. If you leave, they leave you. How is that true love? Their "love" is only based on the organization and how everyone performs and measures up. All we can do is ask a loving God to forgive us, tearfully apologize to other members of the family that are still alive, and grieve our losses.

By Nina (former WCG member)
July 18, 2003
 

Poems/Free Verse & Comfort in Music (comfort for the broken hearted; no audio)

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